Waltze of the Fireflies
by VoyagerCat
Summary: Imagine the unimaginable, fear the unbelievable, live the nightmare.


  
  
  
  


"Waltz of the Fireflies" 

By VoyagerCat   
  


Disclaimer-----Paramount owns all Star Trek and related characters. Rated PG13--R ©2001   
  


_Imagine a realm so terrifying that it couldn't possibly be real. Picture a blackness so dense its cold vapors wrap around you like the chilling fingers of hell, suffocating the life force from every fiber, every cell, every rational thought. Imagine an existence in that realm of icy nothingness. To be alive, fighting, crying, wanting nothing more than to break free from its bone chilling hold. An existence both unimaginable and unavoidable. I could never have conceived of a place of such horror, if not for the all too real fact that I was there. The unavoidable hell that has changed my life forever. This happened just over two months ago, and this personal log is more for myself than those who will read it. A way for me to solidify the impossible. (Captain Janeway's personal log.)_

~~~~~~ 

_It happened just over two months ago. The most horrifying disaster we've encountered yet. I'm not usually one for keeping very good personal logs, but in this case, I feel it will be better for me to vent my feelings and experiences having lived through this hell. I could never grasp how this has affected Kathryn and the others who were directly involved, but from my own struggle to understand what has happened, I know enough that I'll have nightmares for the rest of my life. The chilling horror they went through, that we all went through, will linger with us for a long time. The pure evil fact that there exists a realm, far worse than the mythical hell we've all conjured up in our minds. An existence both inconceivable and unavoidable. How could we have known the magnitude of our decision? How can one conceive of the impossible? (Commander Chakotay's personal log.)_

~~~~~~ 

_It was going to be just another normal day for the crew of Voyager, or so we thought. Life was about to take a drastic turn, and once again it was a direct result from my decision. Things could have been so different if I'd have only known. If we had just stayed away._

"Captain to the bridge." 

"On my way." _Harry's voice gave me no indication that it was an emergency, so I took the time to grab one more cup of coffee, having no idea it would be my last for a while._

"Report." 

"We've found something on long range sensors Captain." _For some reason, my Ops officer can never quite describe what he finds. Harry Kim is one of the best officers I could have asked for, but he lacks the aptitude of speech at times. I just stood with my arms folded and gave him a half smile, waiting for a bit more detail. _"I'm sorry Captain, but this time I really don't know what it is." _All I could do was laugh, along with my first officer, who seemed to be in a good mood that morning. The entire ship seemed in high spirits for some reason._

"On screen Mr. Kim. Let's see what this unknown looks like. Tom, take us out of warp." 

"Yes Ma'am." _At first there was nothing to see but the usual stars streaking by. As the ship slowed to impulse power, I noticed a hazy red fog. _"Tom, all stop. Anything now Harry?" _I was hoping for a bit of information, but it wasn't forthcoming. Even Tuvok sent me a look that said, he had no idea either._

"Mr. Kim, magnify by 50%." _Now upon closer inspection, the red fog wasn't red at all. It was a mirrored dance of color, swirling around like a thunder cloud. It seemed to reflect back on its self as the colors and swirls got smaller and smaller. It was truly as my first officer described it._

"Incredible! A waltz of sparkling colored fireflies. I've never seen anything so beautiful." _Chakotay's gaze was locked onto the view-screen. While I'll admit the sight was beautiful, the sight of my first officers reaction was even more so. His smile was as dazzling as the firefly waltz. I couldn't help the warm feeling that came over me. The tough Maquis renegade, was as tender-hearted, if not more so than the rest of us. Taking his hand in mine, we just stood silently for a few more moments enjoying the beauty and the warm feeling on the bridge. I don't think Chakotay even noticed I was holding his hand, and to this day, I'm not sure why I was. It just felt so natural, so right. The warm enchanting feeling we all shared is what I believe kept me sane in the months to come. The tiny flicker of that moment was the only rational thought I had left to hang on to. If I had only known, I'd never have let go of his hand._

"Captain." _My enchanting moment was over. _"The phenomenon is moving away." 

"Tom, follow at impulse power, but keep a safe distance back. I'd like to find out what this firefly dance really is. We've never seen anything like it before, it's quite an alluring sight." 

"You got it Captain." _Chakotay had come to his senses enough to look at me now. With his smile still firmly in place he took his seat._

"What do you think it is?" 

"I've no idea Commander, but we've got to be able to get some kind of sensor reading. Janeway to Seven." 

"Yes Captain." 

"Have you been monitoring the anomaly?" 

"Yes." _When no further comment was offered, I rolled my eyes as Chakotay started laughing. Getting information out of my ex Borg friend was like talking to the bulkheads of the ship._

"Well, do you have any information on the subject? Any thoughts at all would be helpful." 

"I have no information at this time Captain. I can see it, but that is all. Nothing is being detected on our sensors, although it is beautiful. I'll keep trying." 

"Yes it is. Let me know if you come up with anything at all. Janeway out." 

"Maybe we're all just hallucinating and there's really nothing there." 

"I doubt that is the case Lieutenant Paris. There is a logical reason for this phenomenon, we just have to find it. Captain, may I suggest sending in a probe? We should be able to get some information that way." 

"Do it Tuvok, it can't hurt." _Little did I know how wrong I was about to become. We had just alerted the gates of hell to our presence._

"The probe is now entering the anomaly." _We all waited impatiently for any information to register back from the probe._

"Captain, there's something strange going on." _Once again, Harry managed to give out such an informative report._

"Come on Harry, a bit more than strange would help." _Chakotay's smile had vanished now. As his expression reached my eyes, I felt a sudden chilling sensation run through me. The one that's like someone just walked on your grave. We both stood up turning to Harry. At the same time, Voyager shook violently, like something or someone was shaking an old fashion piggy-bank, trying to get the last coin out. _"Tom! Reverse course, get us out of here." 

"I'm trying, but something's got us trapped. I can't even tell what or where it's coming from." 

"B'Elanna, can we go to warp? We need to break free from whatever is holding us." 

"Not a good idea Captain. The warp core is unstable from all the shaking. The ship is being pulled apart."_ My chief engineer has never been one to sound so out of control. It made my feeling of grave walkers intensify._ _We were violently shaken again, this time I found myself on the deck with my first officer on top of me. He'd taken the worst of it when a beam fell which was why he was knocked down on me. The blood was already trickling from the gash on his head, the droplets landing on my cheek._

"Commander, you're dripping on me." _I'm not sure why, but that was the only thing that came to mind to say. I didn't even get a chance to ask if he was alright before all hell broke loose._

"Innersole Dampeners are failing." _I heard Tuvok yelling out. We were once again being thrown around on the bridge. If I had to describe it, and I guess I'd better try. It was like being caught up in a huge twister. Growing up in Indiana, we had several Tornados that I remember. The large storms always scared the hell out of me. This was a hundred-times worse. We could do nothing but try to hang on, and pray to whatever Devine Deity we believed in._

"Kathryn! Hang on!_" Those were the last words I heard my first officer yell as I felt myself being pulled from reality. An icy cocoon of blackness enveloped me as I felt as though I was falling, falling into oblivion._

_~~~~~~_

"Kathryn! Hang on!" _I'm not sure if I even said the words aloud. What happened next was so shocking that I still can't believe it was real. I watched as Kathryn, as the ship, as everything I knew was being pulled apart. The ship was being torn into different dimensions, well that's the best way I can describe it. I saw Voyager being flung into the swirling colored vortex. Being sucked through the center of hell. You may think that to be impossible, as did I, until it happened. Before I could react with any coherent thought, before I could even get my legs underneath me to try and stand, it was all over. Nothing remained of the swirling vortex, nothing remained of the Voyager that had been sucked through, nothing remained of Kathryn. My mind could only focus on the thought we had lost our Captain. I had no idea how extensive our losses were._

"Commander, let me help you." _Tuvok managed to help me stand, but kept his hold on my arm secure. I don't know if it was due to the cut on my head, or what I'd just witnessed, but my mind was too foggy to focus on what Tuvok was saying. He gave me a few good shakes, managing to clear the fog slightly. _"Commander, are you alright?" 

"I think so Tuvok, but Kathryn, she's . . ." _I couldn't finish the words as the horrible scene played its self back in my mind._

"Commander, Captain Janeway isn't the only one who was taken from the ship." _Now Tuvok had my full attention. I looked around at all the destruction on the bridge. There was only half as many crewmen trying to regain some composure as there should have been._

"Chakotay, what the hell happened? Where's the Captain, where's Harry? B'Elanna! Where's B'Elanna?" _I had to hold Tom back, he was headed for the turbo-lift._

"Tom, hang on. We have no idea of the condition of the rest of the ship. You need to calm down, get your wits about you. Let's try the com-system first. Bridge to engineering, please respond?" 

"Torres here. Chakotay, what the hell happened? Is everyone up there alright?" _Tom fell back into the Captain's chair with a sigh of relief. At least B'Elanna was still with us. _"Chakotay! Where's Tom?" 

"I'm right here B'Elanna. Thank God you're still here." 

"Of course I'm still here, where else would I be?"_ B'Elanna clearly had no idea what had just happened, or so I thought. _"But I can tell you what isn't here anymore, the warp-core, it's gone." 

"What do you mean it's gone?" _This was getting worse by the second. I felt like we'd all just been thrown into the same nightmare. I even closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them again everything would be as it should and Kathryn would be standing by me with her tilted head and that half smile on her face._

"I mean gone, as in vanished. Where's the Captain?" 

"She's vanished like the warp core B'Elanna. As soon as you can get up here, do so. We've got to try and figure this out."_ Slowly but surly my higher brain functions started kicking in. Tom was trying to stop the bleeding from my head as I contacted the computer. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to find out. _"Computer, how many are onboard Voyager?" 

_There are 76 on the ship at this time. _

"Who from the senior staff is missing?" 

_Captain Janeway, Ensign Kim, Seven of Nine, Emergency Medical Hologram and Neelix._

"How could this be happening? There has to be some explanation." _My stomach was in such a knot, I couldn't tell which felt worse, the crack to my head or the empty stabbing pain in my gut, not to mention the pain I felt in my heart for our missing crewmen. We had to make some sense of this, and if that was going to happen I needed to get a grip on myself. So I took a deep breath and plunged forward. Before I could ask the computer who else was missing, the turbo-lift doors opened and Samantha Wildman ran onto the bridge._ __

"Commander! Naomi, she's gone!" _Sam flew into my arms, crying hysterically. For a brief moment I wanted to do the same, cry hysterically but I was in command now and I had to act like a captain should. As Samantha settled down a bit, she told us what happened. _"We were just trying to stop ourselves from being thrown around like rag dolls. I was holding on to her as tight as I could, but she was just pulled out of my arms. I couldn't stop her, she just went out through the ship, she's gone." _Samantha started crying again. This time Tom took over the consoling._

"Sam, did you see anything after that? Did you see if she was pulled into the vortex?" 

"No, I was too shocked to have noticed anything." _She paused long enough to look at me with such sad haunted eyes it sent an icy chill through me. _"Where's the Captain?" 

"I believe wherever your daughter is, we will find the Captain and all the other missing crewmen."_ It wasn't really an answer, but at least Tuvok was thinking like his logical self. He would be the one constant in this entire nightmare, which at that point, I was still hoping to wake up from any second. But, that wasn't to be, and we were about to find out just what a nightmare we'd been thrown into._

_~~~~~~_

_Why is it so cold? It's too damn cold in here. That was my first flicker of instinct that came to mind. As my brain slowly started to piece together what may or may not have happened, I could hear someone whimpering somewhere in the blackness. Then it suddenly hit me that I had my eyes closed. Shivering uncontrollably I slowly opened my eyes. Everything was still quite dark, but I could tell I was still on Voyager, still on the bridge of my ship. My head was throbbing as the whimpering sounds continued to drill through to my conscious mind. I knew it wasn't rational, but the noise was driving me crazy. As the crying grew more intense, my uncontrolled rage grew with it._

"Shut the hell up!" _As I screamed out the words, that horrible creeping chill ran through me again. The next thing I knew, I was retching violently, still sprawled on the deck of the bridge. I must have passed out again, because the next awareness I managed was to feel Harry Kim shaking my shoulder, calling my name._

"Captain, please take it easy, it's me Harry." _I'd finally managed to focus on his voice. He gently helped me to a sitting position, but kept a firm hold on my shoulders._

"Harry, what happened, where are we?" _My throat was on fire and my voice was nothing more than a raspy whisper. Harry didn't answer, he just held tightly to me. When I looked into his eyes, he looked panic-stricken, like a wild animal trapped in a cage. Harry was as frightened as I was. I knew I had to do something, but at that moment I just couldn't move. I just held Harry's gaze for the longest time, until the whimpering sobs started again. Looking around slowly I found out where the noise was coming from. One of my young crewmen that had been on the bridge was crumpled in a corner. She was all twisted at an awkward angle. She must have been in such horrible pain. Part of me knew I should go help her, I was her Captain, it was my responsibility to keep the crew safe. But the rage that built up in me was such a shock that I didn't trust myself to help her. Part of me honestly wanted to kill her to get her to stop that screeching noise. "_Harry!" _I yelled as loud as I could, but it didn't phase him, so I slapped his face to get his attention. _"Harry, do something to shut her up. I can't stand the noise." _I guess my slapping him had startled him more than I'd intended. He scampered away like that wild animal, hovering in the corner protecting the crying crewmen from his crazed Captain. I don't blame him at all, but I don't think my young sweet Harry Kim will ever be able to think of me as the all-mighty all-saving Captain he once did. But at that time it didn't matter. What we came to realize, is that nothing but survival would matter to any of us soon. I was still sitting where Harry had left me when the turbo-lift doors opened._

"Captain, I am glad you are here. Are you alright?" _Well of course I wasn't alright, but Seven didn't give me any time to answer before she started in again. _"Something very strange is happening here Captain. I was in Astrometrics when the vortex pulled us in, but as we were pulled away, the Astrometrics lab just disappeared." 

"What do you mean it just disappeared? An entire science lab can't just vanish." 

"Apparently you're wrong Captain. It's gone, along with half of the crew." 

"What the hell are you talking about?" _For the first time since we had been pulled into this hell, it occurred to me that part of my crew was missing, that Chakotay was missing. I jumped to my feet, pulling away from Seven. Everything was so dingy, so dark and cold, but my scanning of the bridge left no doubt that my first officer was nowhere in sight. Tuvok and Tom were gone also._

"Captain, over half the crew are unaccounted for." _Seven's matter of fact statement made me want to slap her as well. How could she be so uncaring in the face of such horror? It was so hard to find a rational thought in all the chaos of my mind. Taking too long once again, trying to decide what to do, Seven continued. _"We need to get you to sickbay Captain. At least the Doctor is still with us." _I found myself being pulled and half carried off the bridge of my ship. For some odd reason my only thought was, why weren't we using the transporter? I would find that out later. By the time we got to sickbay, Seven was literally carrying me through the doors. She dumped me on a bio-bed, and none to gently I might add. The Doctor came over to me, shining a bright light in my eyes. It made my head feel like it would explode._

"Doctor, what the hell are you doing? Turn that light off." 

"Sorry Captain, I needed to check your pupils to make sure they are dilating properly." 

"Maybe a tri-corder would be a bit less harsh?" _My tone of voice was bordering on frosty to down right frozen. Which is also just how I was feeling. _"Doctor, why is it so damn cold in here?" 

"I don't know Captain, but the environmental system isn't working right. And to answer your other demand, all of the tri-corders are missing. Now, be quiet and lie still so I can do this the old fashion way." _Since the Doctor left me no choice and the fact I felt like the walking dead anyway, I kept quiet while he worked his unorthodox magic. Truth be told, I welcomed the time to try and make some sense of the mess we were in. What happened? Where are we? Was the rest of my crew alive? That last thought was by far the most troubling. In my current state I couldn't comprehend how we would go on without them. How could we run Voyager with half as many crewmen? How could I run this ship without my first officer?_

"Captain, you can wake up now." 

"Keep that light out of my eyes and I'll think about it." _He and I both knew I wasn't sleeping, but for some reason I couldn't help how snappy I was being. Everything felt so out of sync and out of control._

"Are you well now Captain?" _Seven's monotone voice did nothing to ease my pounding head. I just looked at her and flat out lied._

"I'm just fine now, thank you Seven. Have you discovered anything?" 

"Yes and no Captain. It's more than just half the crew missing. We have partial sensors working. Environmental systems are holding, but we've only got half the power outlet. I cannot explain why it is cold." _She paused giving me a strange look._

"I'm listening Seven just get on with it." 

"We have all torpedoes but phaser-banks are drained. The replicators are all offline. Two shuttles are missing, along with the Flyer. Our weapons are nonfunctional and our Aft-shields are down." _My head was pounding so hard now, all I could think about was getting a BIG cup of coffee._

"Do you have any good news at all Seven?" 

"No." _Controlling my exasperation and temper, I headed for the mess-hall. I needed coffee, hot coffee._

"Captain, I didn't say you could leave." 

"I didn't ask Doctor! And I don't need your permission. What I need is a HOT CUP OF COFFEE!" 

"That won't be possible Captain." _I had a bad feeling about this as I turned to see Neelix walking into sickbay, with Naomi hanging onto his arm._

"Neelix, if you're going to tell me there's no coffee, don't. Your life may depend on it." 

"Yes Ma'am, I won't say anything."_ I know I must have scared my Talaxin friend because he backed up a few steps, protecting Naomi behind him. For the first time I noticed she was crying. My icy chilled heart warmed slightly._

"Naomi, it's ok, what's wrong?" _She just continued to whimper and cower behind Neelix._

"Captain, Sam is one of the missing. She was pulled away from Naomi. She tried to hang on to her, but she was just whisked away."_ I still can't believe how insensitive I had been to others on my ship that I was suppose to protect and take care of. Even Seven had turned an icy glare on me. It was even more threatening than my own. Ignoring all other emotions I was feeling, I took a few steps toward Naomi and held out my arms for her. She came flying into my arms, sobbing uncontrollably._

"Naomi, I'm sorry. Don't cry I'm sure everything will be alright. We just have to figure out what happened, then we can get everyone back." 

"Back from where? I saw my mom being pulled away." _More than a few of my own tears mingled with Naomi's. I couldn't think of anything to say that would have made her feel better. I couldn't even make myself believe that they were alive, how was I supposed to convince a child?_

"Naomi, we have to be brave and do everything we can think of to figure this out. Will you help me?" _That seemed to spark her interest. Naomi has always thought that being the Captain's helper was very important, and indeed she is._

"Ok Captain, I'll try. What do you want me to do?" 

"I need you to help Neelix. There are a lot of people who could use a smile and kind word of encouragement and you and Neelix are the two with the best smiles around. If you do this, I promise to do everything in my power to get your mom and all the others back. Will you do that for me?" _I received a smile and a warm hug which was a welcome feeling from the coldness we were in._

"I'll do everything I can to help Captain." _Naomi skipped back over to Neelix, taking his hand. They turned and headed out the door._

"Mr. Neelix?" _I just had to know for sure. _

"I'm sorry Captain." _They left and with them, my last hope for a cup of coffee._

"Seven, let's see if we can figure out where we are? There has to be an explanation." 

"Yes Captain." 

~~~~~~ 

"B'Elanna, let's hear it." _This was one report I was not looking forward to. My head was still pounding. I was hot and to say I was in a horrible mood would have been an understatement. _

"It's not good Chakotay. No warp-core, no torpedoes. Our Aft-shields are holding, but forward shields are down. The phaser banks are full, but navigation and targeting scanners are offline. No working replicators, life support at half and some food supplies are missing. Only two of the turbo-lifts are working and one transporter. All of the holo-deck programs are missing as well as the Doctor." _Worse than I thought. The problem was, I had no idea what to do next. We'd been scanning continuously for any sign of the anomaly. Nothing, there was nothing out there. It was as if it had never been there, except for the destruction left behind._

"Speaking of the Doctor, I'd better get back to sickbay. We still have a lot of injured crewmen." 

"Tom, keep me informed, I'm in no mood to lose any more of this crew." _The truth is, I wasn't about to accept the fact we'd lost half the crew already. We could have never kept Voyager going with so few, with her Captain missing. There was no way in hell I would ever accept losing Kathryn._

"Commander to the bridge." 

"Hold your horse's Tuvok, I'll be there when I can." _What I wanted to do was jump in an icy shower. I felt as hot as the missing warp-core and my mood wasn't much cooler._

"B'Elanna, find out why it's so damn hot in here." 

"Yes Sir."_ The look in B'Elanna's eyes kept my mouth shut. My next comment would have just made things hotter._

_~~~~~~_

_The longer I had to dwell on our new situation, the more frightening it became. I'm not sure how many days it had been so far, with the invading cold blackness it was hard to determine one day from the next. So far we hadn't seen anything but inky blackness. Not a star, not even a flicker of light, or life. We had the warp-core but with no navigation it was useless. We were just dead in space as well as in spirit. I was not the only one onboard who felt as though they'd lost their minds. The isolating coldness was making it hard to think rationally. It made it hard to think at all. I never thought I'd be warm again, the cold stiffness had seeped into my very soul. With little food and no replicators, there wasn't much we could do but ration our food and supplies, but they wouldn't last much longer. Somehow we had to find some supplies. That had become our top priority, to find a way through the blackness, to find something or someone that could help. To find a way out of hell._

"Seven of Nine to the Captain. Something is headed our way." _I was already on the bridge by the time she finished her statement._

"What is it? And please tell me it's good news?" _I was hopeful, but only for an instant. Something hit us. _"What was that?" 

"I don't know. I can't detect what it is and nothing is penetrating the blackness. I'm working on the sensors, give me a minute." _It would have been comical in different circumstances to see such frustration in my Borg friend. She was being snappier than me, and that was hard to do. I couldn't let her get the best of me however._

"Maybe we ran into a brick wall. What do you think Seven, could that be it?" _I gave it my best shot._

"Your attempt at petty humor has failed Captain." _I was saved from having to comment by another hit. Something was running into us. _"You may be right after all Captain. It's at least as big as a brick wall. It appears to be a tanker vessel of some kind." 

"Can we get some light on it?" 

"I believe so." _With our forward lights we could just make out the outline of a huge luminescent green, box like vessel._

"Borg!" _Seven and I said at the same time. On of the largest Borg ships I've ever seen. _"Seven, get us out of here." 

"Reverse thrusters are off line." _We were hit again, but it looked as though the cube was bouncing off Voyager, they weren't firing at us. _"It appears to be just floating in space." 

"I can see that. Any Borg life signs?" 

"Not that I can detect. Our short range sensors aren't doing much."_ Well this had turned out to be a different diversion than I would have hoped for, but beggars can't be choosers, especially in hell. Seven knew what I was going to say next. _"I will beam over and look." 

"Seven, take a security detail with you, and be careful." 

"Yes Captain." 

"Doctor to the Captain, I need you in sickbay." _The day just keeps getting better. I wasn't looking forward to another debate with the Doctor._

"I'll be there as soon as I can, Janeway out. Well Mr. Neelix, looks like you have the bridge for a while." 

"But Captain! I don't . . . " 

"Neelix, there's no time like the present. Just keep an eye on that Borg ship, and let me know the second Seven contacts' you." _Neelix just looked at me with haunted eyes. I just smiled as he sat in my chair. He really did look out of place, but I thought best not to tell him that._

_It took longer than usual to reach sickbay. With only two turbo-lifts working, I had to take the long way. When I walked through the doors, I wished I'd taken an even longer way. The room was quiet and somber with only the Doctor and a still form lying on a bio-bed. The sick feeling in my stomach intensified with the look on the Doctor's face._

"She's dead. I just couldn't do anything more to help her without the medical supplies we need. I'm sorry, I did my best." _I'm not sure what happened next. I thought I heard someone scream, it may have even been me. But the next thing I remember I was sitting in the Doctor's chair in his office, with three blankets over me, which did nothing to ease the cold harsh reality I had to face. The Doctor handed me a hot cup of something. It wasn't coffee, but it felt good to wrap my icy hands around the warm cup. The Doctor just waited until I was ready to talk._

"Did she say anything before she died? Was she still in pain?" 

"No, she never really regained consciousness." 

"Doctor, the last words she ever heard her Captain say was 'shut the hell up' She was crying in pain and all I could think to do was yell at her. How could I be so heartless? What's happening to me?" _I just burst into tears knowing that I could never take back those last words I'd said. I felt like a knife was ripping at my insides. I would have traded my life for hers in an instant if I could have. The Doctor just let me blubber for a while then he sat next to me, ready to give me the speech I knew was coming._

"I can't explain what is happening Captain, but I can tell you it's affecting everyone on the ship. No one is thinking and doing things rationally. Everyone's on edge, just waiting for the next disaster, and you are no exception Captain. You can't blame yourself for your actions, at least not entirely. But, this ship and crew need your guidance right now. They don't know what's happened and where they are." 

"And you think I do? Hell I don't even know if the rest of my crew is alive, or dead. How am I supposed to help them when I can't even help myself?" 

"Well, you're going to have to help them. You have to pull yourself together and find a way out of this mess. You're the Captain, so start acting like it. I don't want to be harsh, but someone has to tell you the truth." _His words hurt me more than I care to admit. He was right, but I just couldn't see past my own self pity and blame. Things were so out of control. Looking into his hollow, holographic eyes made me wish I was him. He had no emotions to deal with, no feeling of such bitter coldness and loneliness, such rage and fright. _"Captain, you've got to take control of this and I'll be here to help you. There has to be a solution." _I just didn't have a breath of argument in me at that moment. I just left sickbay without a word or a glance back._

_~~~~~~_

_It had been days since Voyager was ripped apart, well that's the best way I can explain it. We still had no idea what had happened to them and where they were. Our limited use of the sensors wasn't much help. So far we'd come up empty handed with everything we tried. It was getting so frustrating and there didn't seem to be a damn thing I could do about it._

"Paris to Chakotay." 

"What is it Tom?" 

"You'd better come down to sickbay." _My gut just dropped to the deck. I didn't like the sound of his voice at all. _

"On my way." _I took my time getting there, and not just because we only had two turbo-lifts working. I did not want to know who had died under my command. Kathryn would never forgive me when she gets back and finds out that I let some of her crew die._

"I did everything I could Commander. I'm not a Doctor and no matter how much technology we've got, he needed a real Doctor. I'm sorry."_ Looking at crewmen Lander's still and battered form made me want to scream. How could this be happening? Why did he have to die? Where were Kathryn and the others? I just sat down covering my face in my hands. It had to be a nightmare. _"Commander, you can't blame yourself for this, any more than I can. He was just too injured there was nothing we could do." 

"Really Tom, just how many more will die? I'm the acting Captain and this crew is my responsibility. When someone dies, it is my fault." 

"Is that what you'd tell Captain Janeway if she were here? That it's her fault just because she's the Captain." 

"No, I wouldn't have to, she'd already be blaming herself." _I'm not sure why I found that so funny, but I just burst out laughing and couldn't stop. I'm sure Tom wanted to lock me up and throw away the key. He probably thought I'd lost what little mind I had left, and he would have been right. I'm not sure I hadn't. _"I guess you have a point, but that doesn't make me feel any less responsible." 

"You and Captain Janeway are too much alike Chakotay. The only blame that falls on you is from you. No one on Voyager ever has or would blame either of you for any of the crazy disasters that happen on this ship. You may see me as just an arrogant punk Maquis trader. But from my eyes I see two people who have gotten us through every unimaginable crisis this quadrant has thrown at us. Two people who work together as one and for the good of everyone on Voyager. So get off your butt and find her, find all of them so we can get back to normal, or at least get on to the next disaster waiting for us." __

"Lieutenant, you're right about one thing, you are an arrogant punk. But I consider that punk one of my closest friends. Now, I've got a crew to find, so don't bug me again, understood?" 

"Aye Commander." _I left sickbay in a slightly better mood. Now that the impossible had happened, I was going to find the impossible solution. But how, and where? Shedding yet another layer of clothing I went back to the ready room to start on the impossible. If only we could get the environmental system working, Not a single crew member was still in standard uniform, well except for Tuvok. For some damn reason that Vulcan never sweats._

~~~~~~__

_After leaving sickbay I went back to my quarters to try and get my thoughts in order. I had so many layers of clothes on I could hardly move around, but I just couldn't shake the bitter cold. Seven had been on the Borg vessel for almost twenty minutes. We hadn't heard a word so far, but that was to be expected with our long range communication system down. The one thing that kept running through my mind was, I now knew we weren't the only ones trapped in this black void. At least that was something to go on._

"Neelix to the Captain." 

"Go ahead Neelix." 

"Seven and the others are starting to beam back. They have to do it one at a time because of the power drain on our one transporter that's working. Seven asked me to have you meet her on the bridge." 

"Thanks Neelix, I'll get there as soon as I can." _Grabbing another blanket, I made my way back to the bridge. I passed Harry Kim, but he didn't even acknowledge me. He just kept walking with his head down and arms folded around him. _"Harry." _At least this time he stopped and turned to look at me. _"Harry, I could use your help on the bridge. Would you walk with me, I'd like to talk to you?" 

"Yes Ma'am." _He was still hesitant, and not for lack of good reason, but I needed to try and explain, or at least apologize. I took the extra blanket I was holding and wrapped it around his shoulders, leaving my arms around him. He was_ _shivering and cold to the bones. I just held him close for a time until either one of us could trust our voices to speak._

"Harry, I'm sorry for the way I acted when we were first pulled into this void. I don't really have an excuse, but I'm just not acting myself. And more than anything, I'm sorry about crewman Shier. What I did to her was un called for under any circumstances. I'll never be able to tell her that, but I can say it to you. I'm truly sorry." 

"Captain, you don't have to apologize. I know what a strain this has been, we all do. I don't understand it either, but something isn't right. Everyone is acting out of sorts and unpredictable. I'm constantly afraid, even of my own shadow. I wish I could be more like you Captain, at least I wouldn't feel like a cowered." 

"You're not a cowered Harry, and I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm more afraid of this icy cold blackness than anyone on this ship. It scares the hell out of me." _I'd finally managed to get a smile from him, almost a smirk._

"I guess I should have remembered that from the last time we were stuck in a void. You wouldn't even come out of your quarters then. I guess we all have our weaknesses' Captain." 

"Indeed we do Harry, but we need to put those weaknesses behind us so we can get the hell out of here." 

"Then let's get on it Captain."_ Now, where had I heard that line before? We walked arm in arm to the bridge, carrying with us a little bit more determination. Seven was already waiting when we got there._

"Captain, you took your time getting here." _I just smiled at Harry as he handed me the blanket and took his position at Ops._

"I'm sorry Seven, but my old cold bones just don't want to move fast. Now what did you find?" _I left no doubt that I wasn't in the mood for her attitude._

"It's more of what we didn't find Captain. The Borg ship has been scalped. There was hardly anything left in tact. The drones have been picked apart as well as the ship. There are species in this void who are still alive, or at least they were." 

"How long ago do you think anyone was on that cube?" 

"It's unknown, but I'd guess It's been quite a while. There were no sign of anything or anyone recently being on the ship." 

"Did they leave anything we could use? Any indication as to where we are?" _I know I was sounding desperate, but that's how I was feeling. I'd have even taken help from the Borg themselves at that point._

"I'm sorry Captain, there is nothing left, nothing to indicate what happened to the drones or who destroyed them and took everything they could." _I was once again sitting in my command chair wrapped up in blankets, which didn't help much. The knowledge that we weren't alone here was bitter sweet. Maybe it would have been best to be alone instead of wondering whom or what we were up against now. I had a gut feeling we needed to get away from the Borg cube fast._

"Harry, can we revers the tractor-beam to push us away from the cube? I want to get as far away from it as we can" 

"I'm working on it now Captain." 

"Bridge to Engineering. How long until we have some maneuvering power?" 

"I think I can give us forward thrusters for a few minutes, but that's about all we've got besides the warp-engines." 

"We'll take what we can get. Be ready to engage thrusters on my mark." 

"Aye Captain." 

~~~~~~ 

_As the days passed with no sign of the other Voyager, I began to have doubts as to whether they were even still alive. I wasn't about to accept the fact that they might not be, but it was a nagging sliver in my mind. No matter what we tried we couldn't get the sensors or navigation back to full. Without warp power, we weren't going anywhere anyway. We felt like duck's just waiting to be picked off by the next hunter that came along. So far, we'd been lucky in that respect. But at the same time, we could have used some much needed help. Our supplies were low, we'd been on rations for food and water. We didn't have enough power to waste on the holo-decks, which we had no programs anyway. Our water supply was the biggest concern. With it being so hot, we were all drinking and using up the water to cool down. Nothing we tried brought the temperature to a tolerable level. It was just plain hot which added to the tension we all felt. _

"Commander, we're ready to begin the meeting." 

"I'm on my way." _I sat Kathryn's lucky tea cup gently down on her desk. It sure hadn't been much luck for her lately, but then I doubt she ever believed in luck anyway. Turning back, I picked up the cup again and took it with me. I figured it wouldn't hurt to keep it handy, just in case. But really I just felt closer to Kathryn keeping a little piece of her with me at all times. When I walked into the briefing room, with lucky cup in hand, no one said a word about it, so I figured it was already working. I didn't want to explain why the acting captain was packing around a tea cup. Or it could be they thought I'd lost my mind and had decided to not press the point._

"Chakotay, we need to find some supplies and I've got an idea." 

"Let's hear it Lieutenant." 

"I checked the Flyer out to see if we could rig some of the power for the replicators and such. The Flyer is at full capacity, everything is working. We could take the Flyer out and find some help for Voyager." _I could have kissed B'Elanna. Why hadn't I thought of that before? I looked at the cup still in my hand, just smiling to myself. _"What's so funny Commander?" 

"Nothing B'Elanna, I was just wondering why we hadn't thought of the Flyer before now. I guess all the heat has fried some of our brain cells. But if we do this, we'll lose the chance to use the Flyer's power supply to fix Voyager." 

"How much do you think we can get out of her for repairs to the ship?" 

"Not enough to make a big difference. At best, we could get impulse power at 50% and a few replicators working. There's nothing we could do about the warp-core. And at 50% impulse power, we wouldn't be going anywhere too fast." 

"Tuvok, any other suggestions?" 

"None at this time. I agree with Lieutenant Torres, we should take the Flyer and find supplies for the ship. I would also be willing to bet that you will never leave here until we find the other Voyager, which makes our supply situation top priority." 

"I'd have to say you'd win the bet Tuvok. I'm not about to give up yet." _I couldn't help but hold the lucky tea cup a bit tighter. It felt good to at least have a plan of some kind. _"Tom, B'Elanna, it's your mission. Get the Flyer ready and report to me when you're finished. Dismissed." 

~~~~~~ 

"Do you know what I miss the most Neelix? Well besides coffee." 

"What's that Captain?" 

"The stars. I miss seeing stars streaking past. It's so hard to look into this same heartless black void." 

"Well Captain, I'd love to borrow you my curtain's, but as you can see, some of us are wearing them." 

"I have noticed some rather strange looking Starfleet uniforms running around the ship." 

"Anything to try and keep warm." _Neelix was right about that. Not only was it cold, a cold like nothing you could imagine, but some of the crew were getting sick from it. Naomi was among them. She was staying with me in my quarters, but I wasn't much help to her. No matter what, I could never replace her mom._ _I just prayed I'd never have too._

"Seven of Nine to the Captain, please come to the bridge." 

"On my way. Neelix would you stay with Naomi? I don't want her to wake up and find no one here with her." 

"Of course, and I hope Seven has some good news for a change." 

"As do I Neelix." _Little did I know how wrong I was going to be. Before I even made it to the bridge, Voyager started shaking. We had found our first comrades in hell. Only they were nothing but the devil's demons themselves._

"Seven, report." 

"Someone is firing on us." 

"No kidding!" _I was at the end of my rope with Seven. She was getting under my skin more than anyone else on the ship, more then the damn void. _"Seven, unless you want to find yourself floating in that blackness of hell, I suggest you come forth with a bit more information." 

"There's no need to get nasty Captain. I don't know who they are. Maybe if one damn thing on this barge of the dead worked, I'd be able to tell you who was trying to kill us." _I didn't know what to do, scream at her or laugh hysterically. This environment was affecting Seven more than I'd thought. In over four years, I'd never heard Seven get so emotional, and swear? God's, we were all losing our minds. Before I could make a decision, our demon appeared on the view-screen. (Kazon) I couldn't believe my eyes._

"Voyager, we meet again." _I didn't think anything could surprise me after everything we'd been through in the Delta Quadrant, but I was wrong. I never expected to see the ugly Kazon again. The image on my view-screen was even uglier than I remembered. He looked like he was a breath away from death's door._

"Kazon, one of the most worthless species the Borg ever assimilated."_ That was one statement of Seven's I had to agree with. Her new attitude was not all bad after all. I gave Seven a stern look none the less. We didn't need any more trouble then we had._

"I must say, I never thought we'd meet another Kazon vessel again. What are you doing here? How did you get here?" 

"I have no intention of answering you Captain. All I'm interested in is your ship and it's supplies." 

"I don't think so. I let the Kazon take Voyager once before, never again. You will never set a foot on this ship." 

"Now Captain, let's be reasonable. We just want to share with you. We need food and water, and your technology could be useful in an attempt to get out of this hole." 

"Captain, they have nothing we could use. Their ship is only holding together by a few nuts and bolts. He is deceiving you." 

"Don't listen to her. We need food and water and we'll take it by force if we have to. You have no idea what it takes to survive in here. You'll never make it without our help Captain." 

"How can you help us? Do you no a way out of here?" _His smile told me volumes. That sickening bone-faced smile was all the answer I needed. _"Seven, get us out of here, now!" 

"Reverse thrusters are still offline. They are blocking our path." 

"Then ram them if you have too." _His ugly face was no longer smiling._

"Captain, you are making a fatal mistake. I have allies in this void that you could never imagine. It's not safe to face them alone." 

"I'll take my chances." _With allies like the Kazon, we were better off alone, even if there was a slight chance they knew a way out of the void._

"Captain, there's another ship approaching." 

"Now what? We spend weeks here alone, and suddenly we're being bombarded by unknown vessels." _My head was throbbing and I wasn't up for another encounter with some scavenger._

"They are firing on the Kazon vessel." _Voyager was rocked from the blast to the Kazon ship, but whomever was firing on them managed to chase them away. It was a while before we could see anything but the inky blackness on the view-screen._

"Harry, can we get more power to the lights?" 

"Not much, I'll do what I can." _This time the shock of what I saw sent me flopping into my chair. It took a few moments to even register in my brain what my eyes were seeing. _

"Captain_, _it is a Federation Shuttle." _I had no time to react before a hazy shadowed image was on the view-screen. I couldn't speak, I don't even think I was breathing. I just stared with my mouth open, but no words would come out. A slight smile crossed his face, but still no words had been spoken. The spell was broken by Seven's statement, or rather harsh accusation. _

"Locutis." _It wasn't quite the greeting I had in mind, and the smile had vanished from his face as well. _

"I think NOT young lady." _Before Seven could open her big mouth again, I finally cut in. _

"Jean-Luc! I can't believe it's really you." _I could tell he was trying to hold back a burst of laughter, but it escaped regardless. _

"Kathryn Janeway, I would have to ask you the same, is that really you? How in the hell did you get here? When we detected another Federation signature, I would have never in my wildest imagination guessed it would be Voyager." _I couldn't stop smiling, despite my anxiety. I even stood up and walked to the view-screen. _

"How did we get here? How did you get here? And how did you end up in the Delta Quadrant? This is just unbelievable!" _All hint of his previous laughter had vanished. _

"Kathryn, we aren't in the Delta Quadrant. I'm not at all sure where this is, but from what we've seen and been through, it's got to be hell it's self." _I swallowed a lump in my throat. That bone chilling sensation was back at full force. I didn't doubt for an instant that he was right. I just couldn't understand. _

"Captain Picard, we were in the Delta Quadrant before we were pulled into the void, it just doesn't make any sense." 

"Indeed it doesn't Kathryn, but I assure you, we were in the Alpha Quadrant before we were pulled in. This is more than just a void, or any other anomaly you could imagine. I just have no other explanation for what's happened." _Finally I slumped back into my chair. I didn't think my legs would hold me up any longer. My system wasn't use to enduring one shock after another. _

"Jean-Luc, you wouldn't happen to know the way home would you?" 

"My dear, I've spent the last six months trying to find the way home. My conclusion is, there's no way home, no way out." _Pulling the blanket tighter around me and closing my eyes, I prayed silently he was wrong. There had to be a way out, if not, I would die trying._ "Captain Janeway, are you still with me here?" _I pulled the blanket over my head, hoping with every ounce of hope I could muster that I was back in the Delta Quadrant with my entire crew._ "Captain?" 

"Do not concern yourself Captain Picard. She's been acting strange since we arrived in the void."_ What I did next confirmed that Seven was right about me. I just started laughing historically. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop. The tears were just streaming down my face as I just continued to laugh. I'm sure Captain Picard thought he'd met the lunatic from the Delta Quadrant. Truth was, he would have been right. I'd lost my mind. Finally, when the laughing subsided and all that was left were a few hiccups, I pulled my head out from under the blanket. Captain Picard was just watching me with no readable expression on his face. _

"Do you feel better Captain?" 

"No." _He just got a big smile on his face. _

"I would have been worried if you'd said yes. Welcome to hell Kathryn." _Now it was his turn to act like a lunatic. He started laughing as hard as I had just done. Apparently Seven didn't think either one of us were very funny. _

"Ensign Kim, It would seem we are on the voyage of the damned. We now have two crazed Captains to deal with." _She may have been right, but I didn't want to hear it anyway. _

"Seven, get off my bridge, now!" 

"Gladly Captain." _She grabbed Harry on her way out, leaving me alone on the bridge. It suddenly felt way too lonely. I needed a hot cup of coffee. _

"Kathryn, I take it you and your Borg drone aren't getting along too well?" 

"Who cares, you wouldn't happen to have coffee would you?" _His instant frown dashed all hope I had left. _

"Sorry Kathryn. We used up the last of anything hot to drink months ago. That is a precious commodity that you're not likely to find in here. Captain, we really need to talk, would it be possible for us to dock the shuttle in Voyager's shuttle-bay? There's only three of us, so it would be nice to have someone else to talk to besides my Android who keeps his emotion chip turned off so he won't have to deal with his crazy Captain. And Deanna Troy my ship's consular, who won't even talk to me anymore." 

"Of course Captain. There's plenty of room on my ship since over half my crew is no longer with us." _Hearing myself say those words sent a stabbing pain throw me, as if I had just sealed their fate by admitting they were gone. With haunted eyes, I looked at Captain Picard and nodded before I went to my ready room._

~~~~~~ 

_"Damnit! Look you stupid toaster, all I want is one little glass of water, is that too much to ask? I tried it Kathryn's way, I've talked nicely to you, and what do I get in return? Nothing, you piece of glorified garbage." With all my ranting at the poor replicator, I didn't hear Tuvok walk up to me, but I'm sure he heard enough to have me committed. Which at that point I would have welcomed. _

"Commander Chakotay, is there a problem?" 

"Of course there's a problem. I'm hot, tired, thirsty and I don't have a damn clue yet where Captain Janeway is or even if they are alive. So yes, you could say I have a problem." _My blood was boiling hot, and the rest of me wasn't far behind. Tuvok just happened to be the unlucky recipient of my heated rage. _

"I brought you a solution to one of your problems." _Crawling from underneath the replicator, I was handed a cold glass of water. The absolute best gift I've ever gotten. I drained it in three large gulps. _

"Thank you Tuvok, you are a life savor. I'm sorry you had to witness my outburst." 

"No need to apologize Commander, I have heard worse as of late. May I suggest you get some rest? That will alleviate another one of your problems. It will also help you in solving our biggest problem of all. You haven't slept for more than an hour or two since this whole thing started. You need to get some rest." 

"Now you're starting to sound like me. That's the same speech I've given to Captain Janeway on more than one occasion." 

"I hope it works better on you than it does on her." _He had managed to at least get a smile out of me, and he was right, I needed some sleep. _

"Ok Tuvok, you win. I'm going to take my own advice and get some sleep." _I was rewarded with a half-raised eyebrow. _

"Indeed, do you need assistance to your quarters?" 

"I think I can manage." _Well, at least I thought I could. Before I made it more than a few steps, I was lying face to face with the deck plating of the ready room. Not the best way to prove my point. _

"It appears you need my help again Commander." 

"Tuvok, remind me of that next time, would you?" _He didn't reply, just helped me get to my quarters and made sure I was all tucked in before he left. For a Volcan, he made a great nurse. His bedside manners were even better than the Doctor's._ _I just wish he could have stopped the nightmares._

_I'd no sooner gotten to sleep when I was thrown into the worst nightmare yet. I was just slowly walking the corridors of the ship, but it was different somehow. I couldn't tell at first because everything was dark. Then I heard her, very faint at first. Like a breath of a whisper in my mind. I stopped and looked around but I couldn't see anything, no one was there. It was cold, I remember that because I'd been so hot the last few weeks that I welcomed the icy chill, until it became a haunting creeping chill that seemed to run right through me. Like something trying to get at my very soul. I kept walking, faster now looking in every corridor, every jefferies-tube, everywhere. I could hear her calling to me, but I just couldn't find her. "Chakotay, please help me." Over and over I could hear Kathryn, but couldn't find her. Her cries got louder and louder until she was screaming. I couldn't find her, I was running and calling her name. I was running away from the cold presence and running toward the screams. "Kathryn!" That's when I woke up. I must have woken myself up by screaming her name. There was no chill in the room. I was so soaked in sweet that my bed sheets were ringing wet. It was so hot I felt like I was suffocating. I had to get out of there. Without the slightest bit of thought to my lack of clothing, I tore out of my quarters like they were on fire, which is about how I felt. Panting heavily I just stood outside my door while several crewmen walked by with awkward expressions crossing their faces. It took me a few more minutes to realize those looks were because of me, well because too much of me was in plain sight. I'm quite sure I'll never live that one down. I'm just glad that Tom was away from the ship or I'd be the (butt) of his jokes the rest of my life. Well my choices were clear, stay out here and expose myself further or go back in and face my demons. Demons it was, besides it was only a dream, right?_

_~~~~~~ _

"Kathryn, it's so good to see you. To have a friendly face to look at." _The next thing I knew, I was enfolded into Captain Jean-Luc Picard's arms. The hug was warm and welcoming. I didn't want him to let go of me, but he did anyway. _"Don't take this the wrong way Kathryn, but I'm very glad you're here." 

"I'm not, but it's nice to see you too Jean-Luc. I still can't believe it's all happening."_ He pulled me toward him agin and kissed the top of my head. _

"I'm sorry to tell you, but it is happening. We are all stuck in the same nightmare. Captain, may I introduce Data and Deanna Troi." _I was greeted warmly by both. _

"Welcome to Voyager. I just wish it would have been under better circumstances." _The four of us just stood in my ready room, not quite sure what to say or do next. _"Captain Picard, I was just wondering, has Starfleet changed their uniform code?" _He broke out in laughter, along with everyone else in the room. I even managed a smile myself. _

"I rather like this myself." _He did a full turn so I could get the full effect. He was dressed in what looked like a Klingon battle uniform, except he also had some interesting looking fur boots and a fur coat. I decided not to ask what kind of animal it once was. Data and Deanna Troi were dressed just as strangely. _"In this place Captain, you do whatever it takes to stay warm." _I picked up another blanket, wrapping it around me. _

"You do have a point. I'd offer you something hot to drink, but we don't have anything left but water." 

"Quite alright, we don't want to be an extra burden on your supplies. It won't be long before you are fighting just for that cup of water." _That definitely didn't make me feel better. Captain Picard noticed a change in my expression. _"Captain Janeway, we need to talk. There are some things you need to know." _I never got to hear what those things were until it was too late. _

"Captain Janeway to the bridge." _Poor Harry sounded frantic. I didn't think it was possible, but things were about to get worse. _

"Report."_ My answer came from a phaser blast hitting our Aft-nacelles. Voyager was bouncing wildly from the blast. _"Who the hell is firing on us?" 

"Unknown Captain, but we are surrounded. I believe one of them is our Kazon friend." 

"Seven, do something about those outside lights, we need to be able to see who's trying to kill us this time." 

"I'm doing what I can Captain. We have very little power to spare." _What else was new? My nerves were on end and I hated when I couldn't even see my enemy. Voyager was hit again, this time we ended up with a hull breach in progress. _

"Harry, seal off that deck. Lieutenant, hail them." 

"Trying Captain, no response." 

"Keep trying." _I glanced over at Captain Picard, who for some reason didn't look too concerned. _"Any thoughts on whom they are and what the hell I can do about it?" _Before he could answer, we were being hailed by that ugly Kazon. _"What the hell do you think you're doing?" 

"I told you earlier Captain Janeway that I had allies here. You should have done as you were told in the first place. Now we'll just take what we want." _His ugly sneering face made my stomach churn. I hadn't noticed that Captain Picard, had walked to the tactical station pushing Lieutenant Ayala aside. _

"You are not taking my ship or anything else for that matter. Now, unless you want me to show you just how serious I am, I suggest you back off, now!" 

"Am I to take that as a threat Captain?" 

"I don't give a damn how you take it, just get out of my way." _For the first time since this whole nightmare began, my blood was boiling enough that I felt slightly warm. _

"As you wish." _His face faded from the view-screen but was replaced by the slight outline of a Cardassian war ship. I never got the chance to even react to what I was seeing. A torpedo shot out from my own ship, exploding the Cardassian vessel into fragments. The shock from the blast sent Voyager spiraling out of control. I barely managed to keep from cracking my head on the railing. I noticed Seven and Data colliding and for an instant, I thought it was comical. Then I heard Ensign Kim scream just before the ship righted its self and my head stopped spinning. Before I could collect my thoughts, Data had helped me to a standing position. _

"Are you injured Captain Janeway?" _I didn't answer as I looked around at my bridge crew. They were all trying to collect themselves. Everyone looked to be unhurt except for Harry, and Deanna Troi was at his side helping him to his feet. The last person I locked eyes with, just stared blankly back at me. _

"Why in the hell did you fire on them?" 

"To save your ship and crew. As I said before, we need to talk Captain. There are some things you need to know in order to survive in this void." _I'm not sure if that was all he said to me. I was so mad my heart was just pounding in my ears. It took all my concentration to control my breathing. _

"Since when dose Starfleet condone murder? You fired on them before we even got a chance to try and communicate. Have you lost your mind?" _Captain Picard gave me a look, which combined with his growling voice sent that chill running through me again. _

"Captain Janeway, I suggest we have this conversation in private." _He'd already headed for my ready room before I could even respond. I slowly followed but stopped to check on Harry. _

"I'll make sure he gets to sickbay Captain Janeway. It looks like he's just broken his arm." _I gave Harry a slight smile. _

"Thank you Miss Troi." 

"Captain Janeway, I just want you to know that Captain Picard has his reasons for what he did. This place we're in is evil. If not for him, we'd all have been dead long ago. I'm not saying what he did was right, but he does what he thinks is necessary." 

"I appreciate the fact you stick up for your Captain Miss Troi, but the fact is, this is my ship and we are still a Starfleet crew. It seems to me your Captain Picard has forgotten that." 

"Not forgotten, just defeated." _She turned away leading Harry off the bridge. I had this sinking feeling I was about to find out what she'd meant by her statement and I didn't like the feeling at all. _

~~~~~~ 

"Tuvok, any word from the Delta Flyer yet?" 

"No Commander. They should be within communication range, but with our com-system down we won't be able to hear them." 

"Let me know as soon as they're close enough. I just hope they have some good news." 

"Aye Commander." _I walked into the ready room and picked up the lucky tea cup again, just in case. We could use even a bit of luck. Our rations had gone from dangerously low, too nonexistent in some things. Water was the most important. What we had left was reserved for drinking only. No more cold showers or even a splash to cool down. The heat and exhaustion was getting to me, but I would have gladly endured it all for the rest of my life if I could just come up with a clue as to where the other Voyager had gone and how to get them back. I needed sleep but was afraid to close my eyes. Every time I fell asleep I had the same dream over again. Kathryn's screaming was imbedded in my mind even when I was awake. I knew we had to find them fast, but how? _

~ 

"Tom, wake up. We're in range of the ship." 

"Already? I was hoping to have more time alone with my wife." 

"It has been fun, hasn't it?" She was rewarded with a sweet kiss. 

"It sure has. The honeymoon we never got." They both just watched quietly as they approached Voyager. 

"I don't think I even want to go back Tom. The ship looks almost haunted, just floating dead in space." 

"I know what you mean. I've been so relaxed since we've been away from the ship. Like I'm a different person now. I don't like the feelings I've had on Voyager lately. I don't feel like myself." 

"Tom, let's just turn around, maybe they won't have seen us yet." 

"Fat chance, they're hailing us." 

"Well, it was a good thought." B'Elanna opened the com-link. "Guess we better go face the music. Chakotay won't be happy with our lack of supplies." 

"Delta Flyer to Voyager, we're on approach." 

~ 

"Damn Chakotay, why is it still so hot in here?" 

"Funny B'Elanna, but from the look of this report, what supplies you found won't help to ease the temperature any." _Gazing over the Padd B'Elanna had given me didn't make me feel a bit better. They had come up with little to nothing. Some foodstuffs and a few minerals. _

"I'm sorry Chakotay, we looked everywhere we could. There just isn't much around. What little mining we could do was risky. The species on the only planet we found wouldn't have taken kindly to outsiders. We had to keep a low profile." 

"You didn't run into anyone who could help us or who've encountered this phenomenon before?" 

"No one. The few people we did run into, weren't of a particularly friendly nature. We were lucky a few times just to get away from them." 

"This just keeps getting better and better. What the hell else can possibly go wrong?" 

"I don't know Chakotay, but I don't want to find out. I'll get started on the replicators first. It looks and smells like you could all use some water." _I know she was trying to lighten the mood, but I just couldn't bring myself to react. Although I'm sure, we were all smelling ripe. _"Chakotay, has something else happened? You look worse than usual." 

"Thanks, you're so good for my morale." 

"Come on, it's me, remember? I'm here to listen." _B'Elanna was a good friend and I know how much she would do for anyone on the crew, especially for Kathryn. I just wasn't in the mood to rehash my dream. _

"I'm really ok B'Elanna but thanks for the offer to help. But for now, we have work to do. Lieutenant, get on it. We're going to have to tare the Flyer apart, we need everything we can get." 

"Yes Sir. You know where to find me." _She had turned to leave, but had one last comment for me. _"Chakotay, before you come down to help me, take a shower, you stink." _That's what friends are for, to tell it like it is. I headed down to the Delta Flyer before someone else got the same idea. That shower was mine. _

~~~~~~ 

"Captain Janeway, calm down. I'm sorry you didn't approve of my methods, but if you had been here as long as we have, you would feel differently." 

"I doubt I would have turned into a murderer. And don't tell me to calm down. This is my ship and I give the orders, is that clear Captain?" _He didn't respond as I paced the ready room like a crazed cat. He just quietly sat watching me, which just made me more furious. _"Don't you have anything to say?" 

"Yes, but it won't do much good if you refuse to calm down. This isn't Federation space Kathryn. The rules are different here and the sooner you accept that, the better chance you'll have of surviving." 

"Don't give me that Federation rules garbage. I've been on my own out here for over seven years, without help from the Federation. I've done some things I'm not proud of. Things that go against Starfleet protocol. I've seen things you could never imagine, so don't tell me I'm over reacting. You just murdered them, you didn't even try to communicate. At least I try to reason before I shoot."_ I had his attention now. He stood in front of me, too close for comfort. His intense eyes locked onto mine. I braced myself for what I thought I knew was coming. I couldn't have pulled away from his gaze if I'd wanted to. _

"Kathryn, I want you to listen carefully. It makes no difference how you did things in the Delta Quadrant or the Federation. This place we're existing in defies everything you thought you'd ever believed in. We're not in a realm of logic and kindness. You don't have the luxury of the diplomatic approach. If you let your garde down for an instant, you're dead. Your thoughts and actions are not your own here Kathryn. I'm sure you've noticed that by now."_ I tired to open my mouth to argue his last statement, but I was stopped by his hand on my shoulders pulling me even closer to him. For an instant, I was a bit nervous about what he would do next. Worse, I wasn't sure I didn't want him to do what I was thinking. _"I'd rather not have to tell you about the things I've been through while in this hell. But you need to understand this much. If we don't find a way out of here soon, it won't matter what I did or what happens, we'll have all gone insane and death would be a welcome release." _He suddenly broke our physical contact. It left me feeling even colder than before. He just walked out of the ready room without waiting for me to say anything. I doubt I could have anyway. Oh how I needed a cup of coffee and my first officer's advise, and warm touch. _

~~~~~~ 

_Another sleepless night, how many more would I have to endure? How much longer would all this go on? Those were just a few of the questions crossing my mind as I headed for the mess-hall. It had become a bad habit I couldn't seem to stop. I'd just wander the ship at night when I should have been getting some much needed sleep. But every time I closed my eyes, I could hear the screaming and the cries for help. I couldn't get away form that dream, even when I was awake. All I could do was try to keep my sanity in tact, which was proving more difficult than I care to admit. I had made it to the mess-hall, fully expecting to be alone, but someone else was having the same trouble I was. She didn't hear my approach. _"Sam." _I must have scared the hell out of her because she jumped about a mile in the air._

"Commander! I didn't hear you come in." _She was trying to catch her breath. _

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." 

"It's ok, I've been a bit jumpy lately. Would you care to join me? This is the best cold water in the galaxy." 

"That it is. You don't know how good things are until you don't have them anymore." _I was referring to the water, but Sam had something else on her mind. Her sad eyes told me I'd said the wrong thing. _"I'm sorry that wasn't quite the right thing to say." _Her eyes had filled with tears as she looked away from me. _"Do you want to talk? If there's something I can do to help, I'd like to try." _She placed her hand over mine and tried to show a slight smile. _

"I miss her so much and I don't even know if she's alive or what's happened to her. I'm her mother, I should have protected her. I didn't even say goodbye. I didn't tell her how much I love her, she was just gone." _At that point, she could no longer hold back the tears. My own eyes were threatening to spill over as well. _

"Sam, we can't give up on them. I'm not willing to believe they are dead. There has to be a way to find them and I'm not going to stop looking, not ever. Sam, look at me. Naomi knows how much you love her. She's the happiest child I've ever seen. You have done a wonderful job raising her by yourself. Don't think for a moment that she doesn't know how important she is to you, and everyone on this ship." 

"Thanks, but I've had a lot of help raising her. Especially from Neelix and the Captain." 

"Remember, Neelix and Kathryn are with her, wherever they are. They'll take care of her, you can count on that." 

"I know, but what if we never find them, what if it's too late?" 

"It's not too late Sam. I know they're still alive and they need us to be strong so we can help them get back. We can't give up." _I don't know if I was saying the words for Sam's benefit or my own. I'd been having the same doubts and thoughts as Sam. What if it was too late? Were they really still alive? _

"Commander, I'm sorry. I've been so busy thinking about myself, I hadn't thought how this is affecting the whole crew, especially you. I promise, I'll do whatever I can to help. I want my daughter back." 

"Then the first thing we both need to do, is stop moping around here and get some rest. We won't be able to think clearly otherwise." _I just didn't want to dream anymore, maybe tonight would be better. _"Come on, I'll walk you to your quarters." 

~~~~~~ 

"Commander Data, how long exactly have you been in the void?" 

"Exactly six months twenty-one days, eight hours, nineteen minutes and twelve seconds." _The biggest smile I've ever seen on Seven's face was flashed at Commander Data. They had certainly hit it off. I'm not sure if I found that sweet or exasperating. I knew that Seven had been affected by the void as well as anyone, but this was something that I hadn't expected. Of course nothing in the black waist land of the void was what I could have expected. Nothing was normal, nothing was right. _

"Captain, is there anything else I can get for you?" 

"Not unless you have some coffee hiding somewhere." _Neelix put his hand on my shoulder and winked. _

"How I wish, I did Captain. If there's nothing else, I'll go take care of Naomi. She's still not feeling too well." 

"Thanks Neelix, and please give her a kiss for me. I'll come check on her as soon as I can." 

"Aye Captain. It was nice meeting all of you." _Neelix left in a flourish, dragging his colorful cloak in his wake. Deanna Troi was smiling brightly. The first smile I'd seen from her. She is a very stunning woman. I just hoped she'd be the same after spending so much time in this hell. I wanted to have a few minutes alone to talk to her, but that would have to wait. We had more important things to take care of. _

"He's a very interesting person Captain Janeway. How did he come to be on Voyager?" 

"It's a long story Miss Troi, maybe we'll have time to talk later." 

"I look forward to it, and please call me Deanna." _At that moment I truly wished she had been on Voyager with us the whole time. We could have used a good caring counselor, on more than one occasion._

"Captain, where is Captain Picard? You would think it would be in his interest to be here." 

"I don't know Seven. I'm not his keeper." _I don't know why that question bothered me so much. I'd been on edge for so long I didn't know anyway else to be. _

"Seven, Captain Picard is working on taking inventory of the shuttle. He doesn't want to be an extra burden for Voyager. It might be that we have things you don't, and the other way around. We should combine our resources, maybe together we'll find a way out of here."_ I was liking Deanna Troi ever more. She even seemed to have a calming effect on Seven. I can't say I'd been much help in that department. Between the two of us, it's a wonder we did survive. _

"Commander Data and I will be working on finding that way out. We do have an idea, but we need more time to work through it." 

"Then what are you sitting around here for? Get on it Seven, and Mr. Data." 

"Yes Captain." _They said in unison. Almost as if they were eager to leave. Not for the first time, I wondered just what was up with the two of them. I was about to leave as well. I figured it was about time to relieve Harry on the bridge. _

"Captain Janeway, before you leave, there is something I'd like to talk to you about." 

"I guess Harry won't mind a few extra minutes on duty. And it's Kathryn, I'm not your Captain after all." _Her warm smile once again scratched the surface of my icy exterior. _"Now, what can I do for you?" 

"It's not for me Kathryn, it's Captain Picard." _I closed my eyes, not sure I wanted to hear this. _"I know he's done some things that are unorthodox, even repulsive_. _Believe me, I don't think I'll ever forget any of this, if we ever manage to escape." 

"None of us will Deanna, but that doesn't excuse murder, even if they were Cardassian." 

"I'm not trying to excuse him. I'm still finding it hard just to talk to him. He does have reasons, they may not be right, but if not for him, we'd never have survived this long." _I just nodded for her to continue. _"When we were pulled into the void, we'd been on a scouting mission close to the borders of Cardassian space. We'd been away from the Enterprise for about a week when it happened. The beautiful firefly dance was just too tempting to pass up investigating." 

"That I can understand. It was almost hypnotic. So the Enterprise wasn't near you when it happened?" 

"No, thank goodness. There were the three of us, plus Dr. Crusher and three other crewmen. We don't know what happened to them. It all happened so fast, we were just pulled apart, if was awful." _She had turned her head away as if that would diminish the nightmare that we'd all been thrown into. _

"Deanna, I understand the nightmare, but what I don't understand is what's happening to us." _She looked back into my eyes with the same haunted look I'd seen in my own eyes lately._"Do you think they're alive?" 

"I truly don't know Kathryn. I've lost my empathic abilities since we've been here. I want to believe it, but I just don't know. The longer we're in here, the less likely the possibility. They would have given up on us by now anyway. I think that's part of the reason Captain Picard feels like we're on our own. We've had no one else to depend on, no one to help us." 

"Deanna, what has happened to you out here?" 

"I don't know the details of a lot of it, but I do know Captain Picard has been tortured, beaten and who knows all what. We've run into some very nasty species that will kill you for the shirt off your back. I never could have imagined there was so much evil in the universe, if we're even in the universe. We've all had to do things we're not proud of and I don't think our sanity will hold out much longer." _I understood just what she meant. I was hanging on a thread myself, just waiting to drop into oblivion. I was about to tell her those very thoughts, when that icy finger of hell creped it's way into me again. It was so over powering, it took my breath away. I could see in Deanna's eyes that she felt the same thing. _

"Captain!" _Harry's scream reached through the icy chill. I jumped to my feet, running for the door. I don't know where the impulse came from, but I grabbed a large butcher knife from the counter. Neelix always kept a selection of kitchen tools out for easy access. It was a little too easy. As I approached the bridge, I heard Harry scream again. It was a blood curdling sound that I won't soon forget. I wasn't thinking clearly or I'd never have just run into an unknown situation, but that's just what I did. I rushed onto the bridge, not at all prepared for what I saw. Harry was being poked with what looked like a Klingon pain stick. But the alien was nothing like a Klingon. He was the most god-awful, repulsive, evil looking being I have ever seen. I just stood staring at him. I literally couldn't move a muscle. His sneering voice brought me out of shock, slightly. _

"Don't make a move, or he dies." _I had no doubt of that. I didn't move, I'm not sure I was even breathing yet. With a quick glance around, I saw two of my crewmen on the floor. I had no idea if they were dead or not. There was one more of the ugly creatures holding a weapon on me. I held the knife behind my back which was pressed against the turbo-lift doors. The one holding Harry smiled devilishly. _"Good, it seems that your Captain has more brains than you. Maybe she'll be willing to negociate." _Poor Harry was panting heavenly as tears streamed down his face._

"What do you want?" _I was a little surprised I even found my voice. His scaley sneering smile made me want to vomit. I don't know who, or even what species they were. I'd never seen them before. Almost lizard like with their scaley green skin and their red beady eyes. The one holding Harry had on a long black cloak with a hood and one horn sticking out from the top. My stomach was not doing well. I held tight to the knife. _

"Captain, your vessel is rich in many valued commodities. You haven't been here long, have you?" 

"Long enough, now let my officer go and we'll talk about a trade." _His screeching laugh hurt my ears._

"I never said anything about a trade Captain. I just intend to help myself to what I want." _He dropped Harry roughly to the deck and made his way over to me. I could smell his stench before he even got close enough. I don't know how, but I managed not to throw-up. _"Maybe I'll just take over your ship." 

"Not a chance in hell. I'll blow my ship to kingdom come before I let you take it over." _He was now standing face to face with me. The presence of pure evil was seeping into my soul. A feeling I could never describe. It was just unimaginable evil. His slimy black tongue flicked out and ran across my cheek. _

"Didn't you know Captain, you are in hell?" _His burning red eyes were locked with mine as his tongue once again slid down my cheek. I wasn't at all sure he wasn't about to eat me. His attention was focused on my neck as he continued to leave his rotten trail of slim down me. Before I even thought about it, I took the knife and plunged it with all my strength into the side of his head. The spongy feel of the knife going through his brain and the splashing of his blood hitting me was the last thing I remembered._

Part 2 

"Chakotay, I hope you don't think I'm going to take the blame for trashing the Flyer. When the Captain gets back, it's all your fault, not mine." 

"Well, it won't be the first time I've been blamed for trashing a shuttle. One more won't make much difference." _B'Elanna plopped down by me on the deck of the Flyer. We were trying to rig the long range sensors to work with Voyager's. I was starting to get even more nervous about unexpected guests. I wanted a bit more warning if some unfriendly species wanted a piece of Voyager. _

"Chakotay, it's been almost seven weeks now. I'm really worried we won't get them back. We have no idea if they're alive and the firefly dance hasn't shown any sign of returning. What are we supposed to do, wait here the rest of our lives, just in case?" 

"If we have too. It's not like we can go too far on impulse engines. You and Tom said yourselves that there's not even a suitable planet we could land on. Where the hell else are we supposed to go?"_ I could feel as well as hear B'Elanna sigh. I knew she was just trying to do something. The problem was, there was nothing we could do and that was the most frustrating of all. _

"I just keep getting this awful feeling that something's wrong, it's creepy. When Tom and I were away on the Flyer, I didn't have this feeling. It's like Voyager is haunted or something. It's really getting to me." 

"It's getting to all of us B'Elanna. I haven't had a goodnight sleep since this whole thing started. The same nightmare is played over and over every time I try and sleep. I have to find them, I just can't give up." 

"How, we've tried everything we can think of." 

"Well, I guess we just haven't thought of it yet. I'm not giving up B'Elanna." _She just watched me intently for a minute, then before I knew it, she flung her arms around me and started to cry. I'd seen B'Elanna cry only one other time and I knew how seldom she lets her emotions get the best of her, well this particular emotion anyway. I just let her get it out. I wouldn't have minded doing the same thing if I thought it would help. I had to stay strong for the rest of the crew, for Kathryn. When she finally stopped crying, she sat back and wiped her face. _

"Sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me. But if you tell Tom what a baby I am, I'll never forgive you." _I just smiled sweetly at her as I reached for my com-badge. _

"I can live with that." _The look on her face was worth it. At least I knew I could still tease. _

"You wouldn't dare?" _Before I knew it, she jumped on top of me and had my arm pinned to the deck. The only thing I could do, was bust out laughing. When she finally realized I was teasing, she let go of my arms and slid off. I was just laughing, I couldn't stop. I guess it was my way of releasing my emotional tension. _"You're a pig." 

"I've been called worse. Besides, who else am I going to tease now that . . . " _I couldn't say it. Her name was stuck in my throat. I had to swallow the lump before I choked on it. I just couldn't accept that she was gone, not even in teasing. _

"Now I'm more determined to get them back. I don't think I could handle your teasing as well as Tom's. I'm going to figure this out if it's the last thing I do." _She had already made it to the door before I could speak again. _

"B'Elanna, thanks." 

"You're welcome, but you're still a pig." 

"I can live with that." _I could hear her laughing all the way through the cargo-bay. _

~~~~~~ 

"Doctor, is she going to be alright?" 

"I believe so Captain, she's just fainted from the stress and shock of what's happened. I can revive her now. Captain, wake up. Captain Janeway, it's me the Doctor, wake up." 

"Great bedside manner Doc. Why don't you try slapping her next?" _Those were the first words I heard as my brain tried to focus on what was happening. I recognized the voice, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why Captain Picard would be on Voyager. The next thing I noticed was a strong smell under my nose. _

"Get that away from me. What the hell is that?" 

"Looks like you don't have to slap her after all Doctor." 

"I had no intention of doing so Captain Picard." _The fog was starting to lift as I remembered where I was and what I'd just done. Not for the first time in recent history, I turned over and threw-up on the bridge of my ship. Even more unfortunate, the contents of my stomach ended up on the Doctor's shoes. I heard Captain Picard laughing as I tried to regain my composure. _

"There is nothing humorous in this situation Captain Picard." _The Doctor was not too pleased. I felt bad about this, but part of me wanted to join Captain Picard in his laughter. I never would have dreamed I'd find myself in such a predicament. _

"That's a matter of perspective Doctor. From my point of view, I haven't seen anything this entertaining in months." _Slowly I sat up, wiping my mouth on my sleeve. I wanted to just disappear. _"Kathryn, let me help you." 

"Don't touch me. I can manage just fine without your help."_ I managed to get to my feet although I had to hold on to the Doctor's arm to keep from falling back down. _"Doctor, I'm sorry about this. If we ever get back, I'll replicate you a new pair of . . . " _My sentence was cut short when my eyes focused on the scene in front of me. The blood was everywhere. My stomach started churning again. _

"Captain Janeway, I think it best if you go to your quarters and lie down for a while. You've been through quite a shock. Captain Picard has everything under control." _Deanna's calming voice was the only thing I could focus on. She took my arm and led me off the bridge. I was never so glad to get off the bridge as I was right then. After a very quick sonic shower, I felt just slightly better. I'd dressed in the warmest clothes I could find, but still felt chilled to the bone. Grabbing the big quilt from my bed, I decided to let Deanna tell me what happened. She'd been very kind to just wait until I was ready to talk. Once again I wished she'd been with us the whole time. _

"Deanna, thank you for staying with me. I hate having to ask for help. This just isn't like me." 

"Kathryn, don't worry about it. We all need help and I'm just glad I can be here to help you." _I sat wrapped up in my quilt listening to her describe what happened after I fainted. _

"I guess I owe your Captain a debt of gratitudefor saving my life." 

"He does have a knack for that lately, but it's not gratitude he's after, he just want's to get us all out of here." 

"I know, but he took a huge risk engaging the warp-engines inside the void. Without any sensor readings we have no idea where to go, or whom we'll run into." 

"I'm not sure he had any choice. It wasn't the best of ideas to wait around for their friends to come back and finish Voyager off. You have to know by now that the species in this void aren't the most trusting." 

"I'm not sure who to trust at this point. I don't even trust myself." 

"I know what you mean, but we just have to hang on somehow. Kathryn, I think I'd better go so you can get some rest. I promised to check on Harry Kim. He took a real beating from that pain stick." 

"Thanks for everything Deanna and give Harry my best. I'll check on him tomorrow." 

"I will, and sleep well Kathryn." _That was one thing I was sure wouldn't happen. Even when I'd managed to get some sleep, I just kept having the same nightmare over and over. If what was happening to me while I was awake didn't drive me insane, my dreams would._

~ 

_After a few hours of futile attempts at sleep, I finally gave up. Not knowing which was worse, being asleep or being awake, I opted for the later. Being alone in my quarters wasn't helping at all. I grabbed my trusty quilt and decided a stroll around my ship might help. I used to find it peaceful, but on that night, it was anything but. I felt like a ghost myself roaming the corridors of a haunted old ship._ _I stayed completely away from the bridge. I had serious thoughts of never returning to that horrific scene, but running a ship from my quarters would prove difficult, especially without my first officer. He was another reason I was up pacing the halls. I couldn't help but wonder if they had given up on us. Were they looking, were they truly alive? As another shiver ran through me, I wished more than ever for his strong arms to hold me and tell me I wasn't alone, that we'd face this together._ __

"Captain Janeway." _My blood turned instantly to ice at the sound of his voice. For a fleeting moment with my thoughts on Chakotay, I'd forgotten where I really was. I stopped and turned to face the man behind the voice. _"What are you doing up? You should be getting some rest." 

"I couldn't sleep, and I should ask the same of you. What are you doing sneaking around my ship? You scared the hell out of me." 

"Kathryn, I'm not sneaking, I'm sorry if I scared you. It's just a bad habit I have. I've been known to roam the corridors of the Enterprise on many occasions."_ That was something we had in common, but he was in my territory now. Captain Picard had no right to roam my ship. I chose not to put voice that comment. _

"What do you want Captain?"_ I know I sounded like I wanted to bite his head off, but for some reason I couldn't help it. Part of me wanted to just slap him, while the other part wanted him to take me in his arms and hold me so I wouldn't feel so alone. I must have missed Chakotay more than my subconscious mind_ _would allow. _

"Don't jump down my throat. I just wanted to see if you were alright." 

"No, I'm not, but thanks for asking. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd better get some sleep." _I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed hold of my arm, turning me around to face him. _

"We need to talk Captain Janeway, now!" _His expression left no doubt that he was dead serious. At that point, I couldn't think of a way out of it. I just let him lead me into the mess-hall, which was completely dark and empty. I finally pulled away from his grasp. _

"Keep your hands off me. Computer, lights" _The room was lit with the dim glow of only a third of the lights working. I pulled my quilt tighter and willed my throbbing headache away, or I tried too. _

"And I thought this hell was affecting my personality. You're feistier than a Tarcassian cat, or are you always like this?" 

"That would depend on who you asked." _Our laughter rang through the empty mess-hall. We probably woke everyone on that deck with the noise. _

"Now, can we sit and talk?" _He pulled a chair out for me, so I sat down, ready to face the music. _"First off, I'm sorry for what happened on the bridge today. I would have gotten there earlier, but I had my hands full with a few more of the ugly little demons." _That revelation made my stomach churn again. _

"How many were on the ship?" 

"At least ten. When you killed the leader, they decided to give up and beamed back to their ship." _I'm sure I looked green around the gills. It was so hard to even think about what I'd done. _

"I still can't believe I did that. How am I ever going to close my eyes again without seeing all the blood, and the feel of the knife?" _I took a few deep breaths to see if I could slow the beating of my heart. Jean-Luc put his hand over mine in a gesture of compassion. _

"In time Kathryn, you'll learn to adjust to it. If you hadn't killed him, he would most certainly have done the same to you. I've been here long enough to know that for a fact. This is a shoot first and ask questions later realm we're in, and the sooner you accept that, the better it will be. You can learn to close your eyes to a lot of horrible things and if not, you'll lose your life or your sanity, which would be worse." 

"Do you think they'll come back?" 

"Probably, but it will be hard to find us." 

"You took a huge risk with my ship and crew going to warp to get away. Without sensors, we are just flying blind." 

"Well we didn't and I couldn't see any other choice. It's not like I could just stop and ask you." _I just put my head in my hands, trying to hide my embarrassment. I felt like such a baby. Nothing like the Star Ship Captain I was supposed to be. _"You were quite funny when you came around though. That was the best laugh I've had in a long time." 

"You find humor in disgusting things Captain Picard." 

"I guess that's what life here will do to a man." _That was the one thing I couldn't bear to think about, was life in this hell. I would have much rather had died, then face life in such total blackness, such total evil. I stood up and started pacing again. _

"Jean-Luc, I can't face a life here. I can't even imagine one more day. If we don't find a way out, I know I'll go crazy. I just can't do it." _I didn't want to, and I tried hard to stop them, but the tears came anyway. I quickly turned my back so he couldn't see how weak I'd truly become. I didn't hear him come up behind me, but I felt his warm and strong embrace enfold me like my quilt. I've never in my life wanted anything more than for him to hold me forever, to chase all the cold demons away. I would have given coffee up, I would have given Voyager up and working so hard to find a way home. I just wanted to stay in the only warm place I had felt since being thrown into this nightmare. My arms had wrapped around his waist as he pulled me closer burring his head in my hair. He whispered softly in my ear as I clung tight to him. _

"Kathryn, we have to be strong, we need to be here for each other. There's got to be a way out of this, and we'll find it. Data and Seven are working on something, and I'd be willing to bet that with both of them working on this, we'll be out of here in no time." 

"I don't have any strength to give Jean-Luc. I'm scared and I'm tired of fighting for everything. I've fought my share of demons in the Delta Quadrant, I don't have anything left to give. I'm so tired and lonely, I just want to go home."_ The tears continued to pour out. At one of the lowest points in my life, I truly felt defeated._ _His gentle kisses started warm and moist on my neck. The burning sensation it caused in me was a welcome feeling, snuffing out all of the gloomy coldness. I tried to will my breathing to slow down and I tired to find a coherent thought,_ _but they were gone. The only sensation I felt, the only thought I had, was his warm touch on my icy soul._ _There was nothing left for my mind to do as his lips surrounded mine with their heated intensity. My entire being was enveloped in that warm kiss. I could have stayed in that moment in time forever, lost in his lips moving passionately over mine. The sweet taste of him, the burning fire melting the ice in my veins was the only thing I wanted, the only thing that mattered. When he finally broke the kiss, when my lips were left shivering without his warm touch, when my heart slowed to warp one, I opened my eyes that were still wet from the tears. I wanted more than my next breath for him to bring his lips back to mine. I needed to feel the warmth of his touch, until his soft-spoken words slammed into my conscious mind like an exploding star. _

"You're not alone Kathryn, we'll face this together." _Chakotay! His name was screaming in my mind as the echo of those same words he'd said to me sank into my heart. My shocked expression and the fact I'd stumbled back into my chair must have scared the hell out of Jean-Luc. The next thing I knew, he was shaking me by the shoulders and yelling my name, but all I could manage was Chakotay's name that came out as a whisper. At some point he must have called for the Doctor because he came running into the mess-hall. _"Doctor, I think she's having a heart attack or something." _My ostentatious E.M.H. new exactly what had been going on before he even checked to see if I was breathing. _

"I assure you Captain Picard, her heart will be just fine." _He gave me a devilish wink before he stood up. I still hadn't managed to say anything. _

"Are you sure Doctor? She doesn't look well, she's as white as a ghost. Kathryn, maybe you should go to sickbay, just to be on the safe side." _I was about to respond that I was fine, when the Doctor opened his big mouth again. For an instant, I was glad I had thrown-up on his shoes. _

"She'll be fine, although I'd like to congratulate you Captain Picard. You must be quite the Romeo to have such an effect on her. Our intrepid Captain is a tough shell to crack." 

"Doctor! You're dismissed." _My demand didn't seem to affect him in the least. I had definitely lost my touch._

"No problem, I'll just leave you two alone. Just go easy on her Captain Picard." _If I'd had something to throw at him, I'd have done so. He could just suffer with his puked on shoes, I didn't give a damn. And even worse, Picard was laughing. _

"This is not funny!" 

"I wouldn't say that. I've found your E.M.H. most entertaining. I like him, he's got spunk." 

"He's insufferable." 

"Oh you're just upset because we've been caught, so to speak." 

"Maybe, but I'm more upset that it happened in the first place." 

"I wasn't that bad was I?" _Now he even had me laughing. _

"Let's just say I won't soon forget it."_ This time his smile faded first as he sat next to me. _

"Kathryn, I'm sorry, I should never have done that. I've been here too long, I can't even control a simple impulse." 

"Jean-Luc, you weren't the only one doing the kissing. I'm not blaming you, or me. But you're right about one thing, being here too long. We have to find a way out of here, I just can't live like this anymore."_ His hollow expression was even more haunted than mine. He felt just as, if not more defeated than I did._ _We couldn't go on much longer. _

"Kathryn, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" _Now I had to stifle a laugh. He still looked so serious. _

"You can't get much more personal than what we just did, I don't have much to hide anymore. What is it?" 

"Your first officer, you're in love with him aren't you?"_ He had found the one question that was too personal. My mouth went so dry, I couldn't have answered if I'd have wanted. I wasn't even sure I could admit what the true answer was. _"I see from the look on your face, you do have something left to hide. You don't have to answer, I already know." _I swallowed the cotton ball that had formed in my throat. He deserved at least some kind of an answer from me. _

"Jean-Luc, the words you said to me after we, or rather you broke the kiss," _If my eyes weren't deceiving me, the great Jean-Luc Picard was blushing. _"Were the exact words Chakotay said to me over three years ago. He promised to always stay by my side that I would never be alone. Granted, we've had our share of disagreements, and for the most part they have been my fault. But he has stayed by my side and in his quiet way has managed to keep our family together. If not for Chakotay, I would have made even bigger mistakes than I have in this damn void. I owe him everything, including my life and my heart. I know I shouldn't, and I've kept him away for seven years. I've tried with everything in me not to love him, but without him, I'm truly alone. Jean-Luc, he is the other half of my soul. Yes, I love him, and I always will." 

"Then I suggest when you get back you tell him. You've wasted enough time, don't let him slip away." 

"It's not that easy Jean-Luc, and you know that. Being a Star Ship Captain comes with a price." 

"I'll agree that being a captain comes with a price, but sometimes that price is too high. Kathryn, most of those snot nosed bureaucrats in Starfleet haven't a clue what it's like to be out in the field. To be away from home and family. You more than anyone knows that. You've been out here on your own longer than any of them could have imagined. They're nothing but a bunch of stuffed shirts with all their almighty protocols and rules. They haven't a damn clue. And Starfleet aside, no one can tell your heart what's wrong or right but you. Take my advice Kathryn, listen to your heart, be the captain of your own destiny. You owe Starfleet nothing, you owe yourself everything."_ I was once again speechless. This wasn't quite the Jean-Luc Picard that I had known, or thought I'd known. I managed a slight smile, but my comment was silenced by the all too familiar frightening chill that suddenly hit me. I could see that I wasn't the only one who felt it. _

"No! Not again, I can't take any more." _I ran for the door, with Jean-Luc right behind me. I wasn't sure where I was going, just that I had to get out of there. _

~~~~~ 

_I probably shouldn't have, but I had to try and find a way to cope with our situation. I put in my override code to the door and walked in. "Computer, lights." The dull lighting came on leaving the room cast in an eerie shadow. For the very first time in eight weeks I felt a cold chill run through me. I just stood petrified for a moment, but the sensation had vanished as quickly as it had appeared. When I could get my legs to move again, I made my way over to the couch and sank heavily into its cushions. I was hoping that being in Kathryn's quarters, would in some way help me to feel closer to her, maybe come up with an answer for all this madness. The chill was gone, but it left a footprint on my soul. If we were ever going to get them back, it had to be soon. I took that creeping feeling as a warning that time was running out. But spirits, for the life of me, which I would have traded in an instant to get Kathryn back, I couldn't think of a way. We'd just circled this area for two months looking for a clue, for any sign of the firefly dance, for any sign at all. There was just nothing there, like it had never existed in the first place. But half my crew was gone, along with half of Voyager's systems, plus the warp-core. We'd never get too far without it, but how long could we stay here and do nothing, how long is long enough? We'd been walking on pins and needles as it was. The thread to insanity was at the breaking point. I was quickly brought out of my reverie with the sound of the door chime. I was pretty sure who it would be, I just wasn't sure I was up to dealing with his logic. _

"Come in Tuvok." _My Vulcan friend walked in with his solid expression firmly in place. I'd come to the point of admiring the Vulcan's ability to keep his emotions submerged. But I have also come to believe that Tuvok has very deep rooted emotions. He is compassionate and understanding in his own way. Over the last two months I'd found out just why Kathryn valued this man so. _

"I hope you don't mind Commander? I enquired of the computer to your whereabouts and was not surprised to find you here." 

"It's ok Tuvok. I just thought maybe it would help to be in Kathryn's quarters. I was hoping for some inspiration to just hit me in the head." 

"I see from you expression that didn't happen yet." _I even managed a slight smile, which had been rare these days. _

"Not yet, but I'm not giving up." 

"Speaking of giving up? That is why I wanted to talk to you." 

"If you've come to talk me into leaving, the answer is no. I am not leaving here without them." 

"As the second in command, it is my duty to point out all options. I'm no good to you if I don't do that." _Those familiar words are what hit me in the head. How could I argue with my own words? I just held back the laugh I felt building. _

"Let's hear it Tuvok." 

"I am not going to try and talk you into leaving, but I feel I should point out that the longer we stay here, the harder it is becoming on the crew and the ship. Our supplies are running dangerously low. The entire crew is on edge. I've had to threaten to throw a few in the brig on more than one occasion. Unfortunately, we have no brig. Even just moving at impulse power we'd at least be heading for the Alpha Quadrantand I believe that is what Captain Janeway would want. She would not expect us to stay here and wait forever. We cannot survive much longer on what supplies we have." 

"I understand the risk Tuvok. I know our situation is dismal, if not life threatening, but I just can't give up. I know they're still alive somewhere and I could never live with myself if we just abandoned them. I know we can't stay here much longer, but we're not leaving yet. We'll just have to make due with our supplies. There's not a sacrifice too great for Kathryn and the rest of the crew." 

"Indeed." _The rest of his response was cut short, if he had more, by the door chime. Did everyone on this ship know where I was?_

"Come in." 

"What are you two doing in here?" _B'Elanna, followed by Tom marched in without even a hello. _"Never mind, don't answer that." _She made herself comfortable on the couch next to me. Tom took the chair across from Tuvok._

"I wasn't going to, besides you don't give a person time to answer." _She just smiled. _"So, what's up?" 

"I might have a plan." _She must have seen the instant excitement in my eyes. _"Now don't go swinging through the ship just yet. It's not much, and it may not do any good, but I think it's worth a try." 

"Indeed Lieutenant. At this point, anything is worth a try." _I couldn't have agreed more. At that point I would have made a deal with the devil himself to get them back. The problem with that was, they were probably already in the devil"s clutches. Again I got that bone chilling feeling, and from the look's on my comrades faces, I wasn't the only one. _

"I don't know about the rest of you, but maybe we should move this meeting somewhere else?" 

"Mr. Paris, you're not afraid of a little chill in the air are you?" 

"Tuvok, the chill I can handle, in-fact I welcome it. The creepy feeling that comes with it is what bothers me. You don't believe in ghosts, do you?" 

"I wouldn't presume to discount any possibility at this point. The impossible is highly possible in the Delta Quadrant."_ I couldn't have said it better myself. _

"Don't worry Tom, I won't let some ghost get you, they don't like Klingons." 

"Gee thanks that makes me feel much better Sweetheart." 

"Tom's right though, it would be easier to show you what I've got in mind than to just tell you. Let's go to engineering and I'll fill you in." _The four of us filed out the door. I stopped, turning back for one last glance. "Hang on Kathryn, we're going to find you." I walked back out into the hot atmosphere of Voyager._

~~~~~~ 

"Captain Picard, wait! I don't think it's a good idea to go in there. Captain Janeway is in quite a tiff." 

"I don't give a damn Mr. Neelix. What the hell was she thinking?" _I heard the shouting match from inside my ready room. Being in a tiff was putting it very mildly. I was fed up, furious, cold, tired and I had a headache that wouldn't quit. Picard stormed into the ready room. I braced myself for the explosion. _

"Kathryn Janeway, what in the hell were you thinking? Have you completely lost your mind?" _For some reason, the fight in me vanished with the realization that had gone over the edge. Arguing with Jean-Luc Picard seemed like a waist of what little energy I had left, so I just smiled sweetly and answered his questions._

"Yes." _I had no intentions of elaborating any more. He just stared at me with his mouth hanging open. He was clearly ready for a fight and was surprised I wasn't about to give him one. _

"That's it, just yes?" 

"What else is there? I've lost my mind and I'll admit it." 

"Would you at least explain why you were about to trade the warp-core for a cup of coffee?" 

"It wasn't (A) cup of coffee. It was enough to last me for years. But thanks to you, I've got no coffee, my ship was boarded again, two more of my crew were killed by yet another demon species, and the only thing I got out of the deal, is the worst damn headache in history. So, just go file a complaint with whomever the hell you want, because I don't give a damn!" 

"Now, that's more like it. At least there's still a bit more fight in you. We haven't totally lost you." 

"That's news to me. I feel totally lost. I'm about ready to jump out an airlock myself." _I must have looked as defeated as I felt because his tone had softened and he sat on the desk in front of me. _"Jean-Luc, what were those awful creatures? They looked like a Borg assimilation gone dreadfully wrong on a Naussigan." 

"That's exactly what they are. They must have been assimilated from the Borg in this void. With no link to the collective in here, who knows what went haywire? But it sure made for one mean species." 

"A mean species with coffee." 

"You can't honestly believe they really had any coffee? It was nothing short of a miracle they didn't get their hands on the warp-core, and speaking of which, I thought you said it was too dangerous to go to warp inside the void? As I recall in all that commotion, it wasn't me who gave that order." 

"I guess I found a thread of sanity left in me, but it's about to break. I don't believe in miracles or anything else any more." _I could see in his sad eyes that he wanted to take me in his arms and tell me it would all be alright. As much for himself as for me, but we both knew better and we knew what would happen if he even touched me again. Even the thought of Chakotay wouldn't have been enough to stop the physical and emotional need to be close to someone. To feel alive for those blissful moments of passion. I started pacing the ready room, making sure to keep my distance from Jean-Luc._

"Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway." _My thread had just snapped. _

"Seven, what do you want now? I'm busy." 

"Don't bite my head off Captain. I don't give a damn if you're busy. Come to engineering, now!" _She cut the communication as Picard busted out laughing. I just shot him the death glare._

"Does your ex Borg always talk to you like that?" 

"She is quite opinionated. But since we've been in this void, she's been a bit more so." 

"I believe I see the problem. You and Seven of Nine are too much alike. I don't think I've ever met anyone with more opinions than Captain Kathryn Janeway." 

"Ha, I have no opinion on that matter. Now, give me back my blanket, I'm needed elsewhere." _I just pulled the quilt off him as I passed by. He followed me to engineering in silence._

~__

"What took you so long.?" 

"Seven, the next time you give me an order like that, it will be the last time you do anything, understood?" _Seven was not easy to intimidate, but from the look on her face, I had managed to do so. _"Now, what's so important?" 

"A way out of here." _I was so overcome by those five little words, I just flung my arms around Seven, squishing her to me. When that glimmer of hope surged through me, I just couldn't help it. _

"Seven, I love you, you really found a way out of here?" _I was still hugging her tightly. _

"Captain, I love you too, but you're squishing me." _I released Seven and stepped back slightly wiping at my eyes. _"We have come up with a workable plan yes." _I was still so elated, I just hugged Seven again. This time she even returned the hug. _

"Mr. Data, I will never understand women." _Picard was laughing softly. _

"Captain, it would be best not to try. I have come to believe, even without my emotion chip, that they are one of the universe's great mysteries." 

"Indeed Mr. Data. Now, enlighten us please." _We spent the next twenty minutes hearing all the technical points of their plan. The abbreviated version is, they had created a way to use the warp-core to make a warp-bubble of sorts. That was the theory and there were some pretty big concerns, which I didn't want to hear. I was ready to try anything to get out of there. _

"Jean-Luc, I understand all of the concerns and the risks, but compared to a life in this void, it's worth it. I'd rather die trying then spend even one more minute in hell." 

"Believe me, Kathryn, I want nothing more than to leave this hell, but we have to think this through. If it has even a slight chance of working, we have to be as accurate as possible." 

"The chance of success is 71.64%" 

"Thank you Mr. Data." _I had come to like Data. He had an interesting way about him. What was more interesting, was how Seven seemed to like him? I filed that in the back of my mind. If we managed to get out of there, I wanted to find out just what was going on between them. _

"Those are odds I can live with, or die with. At this point, it doesn't matter. Seven, my big question is, how do we know where we'll end up once we've gone through the warp-bubble?" 

"At this point, we don't Captain. We don't even know if we'll be in the same space time-continuum as we were, or are. We can only go on theory that we'll end up right where we were." 

"But what if Voyager isn't right where we were? What if they've moved on, or worse?" 

"We have no way of knowing, unless they sent us a signal that would let us know where they are." 

"That's a pretty big if, and even if your Voyager sent a signal and you ended up back in the Delta Quadrant, what about us? Where would we end up?" _Of all of us, Deanna looked and was the most skeptical, and I don't blame her. That was another big question that had bothered me. I felt guilty for wanting to risk so much just to get myself free, and secretly, I wouldn't have minded if they ended up with us on Voyager. Although I was sure Jean-Luc and I would kill each other before we ever made it back to the Alpha Quadrant. _

"That my dear Deanna is a good question. I'm not so sure I want to be stuck in the Delta Quadrant, nothing personal Captain Janeway." 

"I understand Captain Picard."_ I smiled sweetly at him._

"Captain, if I might make a guess as to what could happen?" 

"Please Mr. Data. I'll take your guesses over most facts any day."_ I agreed on that one, and it was nice to see the trust Jean-Luc had in his android friend. I completely trusted him and I hardly knew him._

"When Wesley Crusher and The Traveler were able to get Dr. Crusher back through the warp-bubble, she came through where she had disappeared." 

"Mr. Data, those circumstances were quite different from this. We didn't come here through a warp-bubble." 

"In essence Captain, I believe we did. Something in the vortex of the fireflies acted in the same manner, pulling us through to a different reality, not just a different realm or a far off universe." 

"Data, in the more than six months we've been here, why haven't you mentioned this before?"_ I was thinking the same thing but Deanna beat me to the punch. _

"There was nothing to mention. We had no access to a warp-core." 

"That's a good point Data, but if we have no one on the other side to initiate any kind of signal, we'll never be able to guess at where we'll end up." 

"You are correct Captain Janeway, but you said yourself, you would rather die trying then spend even one more minute in hell." _Picard was smiling, but Deanna was in full out laughter. I wasn't quite sure what was so funny. _

"Data! I've only heard you swear one other time." _Deanna was still laughing and I was still confused._

"The time you crashed the Enterprise to be exact. And this time I was just quoting Captain Janeway." _Now I was laughing. I knew about the Enterprise's demise, but had no idea of the details. _

"I did not crash the ship, I just happened to be at the helm." 

"Deanna, you are just full of surprises. Are you sure you don't want to live in the Delta Quadrant? You'd fit right in with another pilot I know."_ Deanna looked to her Captain for some support, but she received nothing of the sort. _

"Don't look at me, Deanna. It was my ship you crashed." _The laughter around the table was such a welcome sound, I'd almost forgotten where I was, until Neelix showed up._

"Captain, I'm sorry to interrupt, but could I see you in private?" _He didn't need to say another word, I knew it was bad and I knew who it was. The icy fingers were making their way around me once again._

~~~~~~ 

"You haven't said much Chakotay, what are you thinking?" _It was unlikely I'd be able to sift through everything I was thinking. It was the best plan we'd had so far, but a warp-bubble was way out in left field, and my brain wasn't much closer. The heat and stress was taking its toll on me. Not to mention how tired and scared I was._

"To my knowledge, a warp-bubble isn't much more than a theory, and the warp-core from the Flyer isn't going to generate enough power to create a bubble anyway." 

"I know that Chakotay. The best we can hope for is a signal, a way to let them find us, maybe that's all they need. We have no way of knowing just what they have on their Voyager, but I'd be willing to bet they have the warp-core." 

"Assuming you're right and they have the core, they may never think of it. They don't have the chief engineer on their side."_ B'Elanna was smiling. She knew how to take a compliment. _

"I know I'm brilliant, but they do have Seven, Ayala and the better part of my engineering staff. And if they don't think of it, at least we tried something. We have to try something before it's too late." _I looked over at Tuvok hoping to get his advice. I was given a slight nod. It was just enough to confirm my decision. _

"Let's do it. How long will it take to get it ready?" 

"It's going to be a day or two to reconfigure the warp-core in the Flyer. I'm going to need as much help as I can get." 

"You've got it." _I had my doubts that this would do anything but create a spectacular show for us. I hadn't said as much, but B'Elanna could read the expression on my face._

"Don't worry Chakotay, this is going to work, and if they don't see the signal, it will be one hell of a show. We might even attract the firefly vortex and Voyager will just pop through." 

"I'll keep my fingers crossed and the lucky cup in reach. Get on it Lieutenant."_ I made my way back to the bridge, knowing there was little else I could do. I wanted to contact my spirit guide, but my medicine bundle was gone like so much of our precious cargo. All I could do was send up another silent prayer._

~~~~~~ 

"Doctor! Please tell me she's not dead?" _I don't think I've ever run as fast as did to get to sickbay. It must have taken what little strength I had left because the next thing I knew, I was the one being helped onto the bio-bed. My heart was pounding loudly inside my already screaming head._

"Take it easy Captain, you're hyperventilating. Try to take slow deep breaths." _I'm sure he saw the fear in my eyes before I even had to ask the next question. _"Naomi is very much alive, but she's very sick. If I had even half of the supplies in sickbay, she wouldn't even be sick." _Once my breathing slowed and I drank some icy cold water, I was able to think more clearly._

"What's wrong with her?" _As I asked the question, I looked over at her still form lying on the next bio-bed. I knew if Naomi died it would be my undoing._

"She's got pneumonia, something she never would have gotten if we weren't stuck in this cold hell. I don't even have an old nineteenth century antibiotic that would cure her. We need to get out of here."_ The Doctor's frantic tone wasn't helping me any. If my holographic Doctor was losing it, there was no hope for the rest of us. I think that was the most terrifying thought I'd had so far. Stuck in an existence that could even drive a photonic being mad. Naomi's soft whimpering brought me out of my frightening thoughts. I slowly stood up, with help from Neelix and the Doctor and went over to Naomi. Her intensely hot skin was a welcome feel on my cold icy hands. She had a high fever but she opened her eyes at my cold touch. _

"Hi Captain." _The tears sprung instantly to my eyes. _

"Hi yourself Sweetheart." _My voice had caught in my throat, thankfully Neelix stepped in. _

"See Naomi, I told you the Captain would come and see you just as soon as she could. Nothing is more important than you are."_ Naomi's tears started to fall, which only made my own do the same. That sick little girl was braver than I was._

"Captain, if something happens and I don't get to see my mom again, will you tell her I love her and I'm sorry I couldn't hold on tighter? I didn't mean to let go."_ I just bit down on my lower lip trying to will my frayed emotions under control. At that moment I couldn't have responded to her for all the coffee in the universe._

"Naomi, don't worry, you'll see your mom again soon. Captain Janeway is working on a plan to get us all out of here. Now, no more talking, you need to rest. Captain Janeway will be here when you wake up."_ Thankfully she had already closed her eyes and was back to sleep without another comment. Neelix and the Doctor led me over to his office so we could talk._

"Thank you Doctor. I just couldn't find the words." 

"I could see that, and I was a bit worried you would end up owing me another pair of shoes. A hologram can only take so much." 

"Doctor, you're not going to let me soon forget this are you?" 

"No, but I might consider it if we get out of here and back to the civilized Delta Quadrant." 

"I never thought I'd consider the Delta Quadrant civilized, but after what we've been through here, it's a walk in the park." 

"Captain, do you think the plan will really work?" 

"I don't know Neelix, but I'm trying to be positive about it. I also don't see that we have another choice. If we don't do something now, we'll all end up sick or insane, or worse." _I couldn't help but look back over at Naomi. I just couldn't let her die. _

"Is there anything I can do to help?" 

"I'm sure there is Neelix. Why don't you go ask Seven and Mr. Data? I'm sure they would love any help they can get." 

"Captain, you are totally exhausted. You need to lie down and get some rest." 

"I don't even have a flicker of strength to argue about it Doctor." _I walked out of the office and over to Naomi. Neither Neelix nor the Doctor said a word as I crawled onto Naomi's bio-bed, pulling her closely to me. Her heated body was a shocking sensation to my icy cold one. It was the first time I felt warm enough to fall asleep, and I was hoping my cold bones would help keep her fever down._

~ 

"How's she doing Doctor?" _I could hear voices talking through my foggy mind. I tried to focus, but it felt like something was pulling back down, keeping me away from the waking world_. _I'm sure it was my subconscious mind trying to protect me from reality._

"She's not doing well, but the fever hasn't gotten any higher since the Captain wrapped her in her icy grasp. That part has been good for both of them." _The Doctor's words were slowly sinking in as my first sensation came into focus. I wasn't as icy cold as I had been for so long. That thought brought me back to the surface as realization of where I was settled through the fog. I slowly opened one eye at a time. _"Good, you're awake Captain. How are you feeling?" _I still hadn't moved my body away from Naomi. I knew the second I did all the cold would hit me again. I could feel Naomi's shallow breathing and here the gurgling rattle in her lungs. _

"Naomi." 

"She's doing about the same Captain. Sleeping next to your refrigerated body has helped to keep her fever from getting any higher." 

"How long have I been asleep?" 

"Just over ten hours." _That was the shock I needed to get my brain and body moving again. I slowly, with the Doctor and Deanna's help, slid off the bio-bed, careful not to wake Naomi. _

"Deanna, what about the warp-bubble? Is everything alright? God's I can't believe I slept that long. Why didn't you wake me earlier?"_ Her smile was as reassuring as her words. _

"Don't worry Kathryn, every thing's just fine. Captain Picard has taken good care of your ship. The warp-bubble is almost ready to try. They're all waiting in the briefing room for you." _She must have read my thoughts, empathic abilities or not, she seemed to know what I was thinking even before I did. _"Don't worry, I'll stay here with Naomi. We've become pretty good friends, she's adorable." 

"Yes she is. Thank you Deanna."_ I gave her a quick hug and left sickbay. It was time to go home._

~~~~~~ 

"It's as good as it's going to get Commander. We're ready to try as soon as you give the word." 

"How long can we keep it going?" 

"Best guess, about six hours." 

"Will we be able to shut it down and start it again later?" 

"Nope, once she's going, that's it, unless it blows up." 

"That doesn't make me feel better Lieutenant." 

"Sorry, but you know I can't promise that won't happen. This is all new to me as well. As far as I know, it's never even been thought of let alone tried." _I had a knot in my stomach at the thought I could be sentencing everyone to their deaths by giving the ok. Were all our lives worth the sacrifice? It was not much more than a slight chance this would do anything to help get them back. Was it going to be worth it? _"Chakotay, the decision is up to you, but I can tell you that the entire crew is willing to take the risk. We can't live the way we are for much longer anyway. If we can do anything at all to help get them back, it's worth it. And if we blow ourselves up in the process, it will be quick at least." 

"You are not very funny B'Elanna, but I don't see any other way. We can't just give up on them and without the other half of this crew, we're dead anyway."_ I knew I was right, but this was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. We were all about to make the ultimate sacrifice for our family._ "Let's do it. I'll be on the bridge." 

"Aye Commander." _I started to walk away, but turned back, wanting to say something, but the words would come out. _"I know Chakotay, I know." _I left engineering wiping the tears from my face._

~~~~~~ 

"I guess that's it then?" 

"We're as ready as it's going to get Kathryn. It's up to you to make the call. Voyager is your ship, I'm just along for the ride." 

"You may soon regret that. It could be a rough ride home." 

"Maybe, but I think we're all ready to go home one way or the other." _I was beyond ready to go home. If this didn't work, it wouldn't have mattered anyway because there would have been nothing left of Kathryn Janeway. _

"Let's do it." __

"Ok, Mr. Data, get Deanna and get the shuttle ready. I'll be there in a minute." 

"Aye Captain." __

"Mr. Data, it's been a pleasure meeting you. I truly hope we'll see each other again some day." _He shook my hand and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek._

"The pleasure has been mine Captain Janeway. I look forward to seeing you again." 

"Captain, do you mind if I accompany Commander Data to the shuttle? We have a few last minute things to discuss." 

"Of course Seven." _It took every ounce of self-control to not burst out laughing. I could see Picard was having the same difficulty. When the doors closed behind them, I flashed Jean-Luc a questioning look. _

"No way, I'm not touching that one with a ten-foot pole." _Well I would, just as soon as I got the chance. I just smiled in response. He had taken both of my hands in his._

"Kathryn, no matter what happens, or where we end up, I just want to thank you for saving my life." 

"I think that's the other way around Jean-Luc." _He pulled me into his arms and once again I felt his strong comforting embrace wrap around my soul. It wasn't the passion and desire I'd felt before, but the warm hand of friendship which was even more powerful. Again he spoke softly in my ear. _

"Kathryn, when our paths cross again, and they will, I expect you to have accepted the love and peace that you know is waiting for you. Tell Chakotay how you feel. Follow your heart, not for Starfleet or your crew, do it for yourself." _My tears were sliding down my cheeks. He brought his arms around, placing both hands on my wet cheeks. He again pressed his lips to mine, kissing me softly, and then he headed toward the door. _"Goodbye my friend." _He was gone before I could respond. I had to sit down again to try and compose myself. The emotional upheaval my life had been in for over two months had reached its maximum. For those few moments I was numb from all emotion. Numb from feeling the cold, numb from any feeling at all. Everything would soon be over, one way or the other. The first real peace I had known in a long time. _

"Captain to the bridge, something's going on." _Yet again my Harry Kim divulged such informative information. With my trusty quilt wrapped around me, I rushed onto the bridge of my ship._

"Report." 

"I don't know what it is Captain. All I can tell you is, there's something going on beyond all the blackness." 

"Harry, can you magnify it any more?" 

"Sorry Captain, we're already at full magnification." _For a few minutes I was just staring out at the total blackness that had surrounded us for so long, then I caught a glimpse of light, just a faint flash. _"Did you see that? There it is again!" _Harry was clearly excited and I wasn't far behind in his enthusiasm. The first glimmer of light we'd seen in two months. As we watched with hope, the light became more and more constant. It appeared to be a swirling vortex of white. At least from where we were it didn't look like the firefly vortex that brought us here._

"Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway." 

"Go ahead Seven." _I answered without taking my eyes from the view-screen. _

"I believe we have our signal." 

"I can see that Seven. Is the shuttle ready?" 

"Yes. The Enterprise crew is ready to depart."__

"Understood. Harry, open a channel to the shuttle." 

"Captain Picard, It looks like it's now or never, are you ready?" 

"We're more than ready Captain. We'll be right on your tail the whole time." 

"Ok, let's do it. Lieutenant Ayala, be ready on my mark." 

"Standing by Captain." _This was it, the moment of life or death. Whatever happened next, wherever we ended up, it was out of our hands. Fate would be the Captain now._

"Captain Janeway, good luck." 

"Good luck to all of us Captain. Janeway out." _Taking a deep breath, I took my place in the command chair. With one last silent prayer and Chakotay's words whispered in my mind. 'You're not alone.' I gave the order. _"Engage." 

~~~~~~ 

"Commander, I believe something is happening." 

"What is it Tuvok?" _I had rushed out of the ready room where I'd just been sitting at Kathryn's desk with the lucky cup twirling in my hands. Tuvok had no need to answer my question, I could see for myself. The white vortex signal we had made was expanding fast. It looked like an exploding_ _star. For a minute I just stared in shock at the sight. When realization finally dawned on me that it was headed right for us, I began to panic. There was no way we could get out of the way in time._ "Tuvok! What the hell is it?" 

"Unknown Commander. It will impact in twelve seconds." 

"All hands, brace for impact." _I was quite positive that would be the last order I ever gave to the crew. In less than twelve seconds we would be dead. For a fleeting moment of those twelve seconds I welcomed the thought. Without Kathryn and the rest of our family there wasn't much to live for. I just stood behind the helm, fixated on the expanding bright white explosion coming toward us. In the last few seconds, there was a change in the white explosion. The fireflies, the vortex of waltzing fireflies appeared in the center. Before I could even comprehend what I was seeing, the image of Voyager, shot out like a cannon and slammed full force into us. I'm not sure exactly what happened in the instant to Voyager, but I can describe what I felt, or I can try. Whatever hit me was the most intense sensation I have ever felt throughout my entire body. It felt like someone, or something, or possibly everything shot through my entire being at warp velocity. Whatever it was seemed to go right through my very soul. I was thrown across the bridge, only to land in a very familiar position, on a very familiar body. I have no clue as to how long I just laid there in shock. I couldn't think, I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't even take a breath. The universe had stopped. Nothing existed but her beautiful shining blue eyes._

"Commander, you're dripping on me, again" _I must have cut my head again on my flight across the bridge. I just continued to drip droplets of blood on her pale cheek while my mind slowly reentered my head. For some reason, I noticed the deadly quiet on the ship. There wasn't even the sound of the ever present engines of the ship, just quiet. My next noticeable sensation I felt, was my eyes filling with tears as I took a gasping breath. Then every feeling, every emotion, every thought I'd had over the last two months came flooding back through me in a river of tears that merged with her own._

~~~~~~ 

_The sensation of being catapulted through the intense brightness of the firefly vortex, was in stark contrast to being sucked into the bitter cold blackness of hell. Although the intensity of both on my senses was overwhelming, to the point of breathlessness. When I could open my eyes, my world was just slowing down to a gradual spin, until everything became still and deathly quiet. The first thing I focused on, were his warm, caring, brown eyes. My next realization was the tiny drops of his blood dripping on my cold skin. Almost a welcome sensation. Again the only thing I could think to say was, 'Commander, you're dripping on me.' At that point, everything came flooding back to me in such a rush of emotion I had no control over it. The tears burst fourth like a summer thunder storm. There was no holding back the power of nature. Our tears mingled as the storm raged between us. I'm not sure if either one of us had spoken a word since my first statement, or how long we cried together. What I do remember, was the feel of his body on mine. The warmth I felt sent fire running through my icy soul. All of the cold chill that had been my companion for more than two months melted as if a lava flow had hit the icy waters of the sea. I had wrapped my arms around his neck, afraid of losing the warm friendly sensation. In those few moments I knew without a shadow of a doubt how much I loved my best friend of more than seven years. The man that had stood by me through every disaster, every smile, every tear. The man I couldn't live without. The man who was suffocating me from the weight of his body on mine. _

"Chakotay! I can't breathe, you have to get off of me." 

"Spirits Kathryn, I'm sorry." _He rolled off and sat beside me on the deck as I wiped the blood and tears from my face. I still hadn't managed to sit up yet. _

"Kathryn, look at you, no wonder you were suffocating? What are you wearing?" 

"I should ask the same of you Commander. What aren't you wearing? Not your typical Starfleet issue uniform I see."_ We just busted out laughing, along with everyone on the bridge. Which for the first time I even noticed they existed. I was helped to my feet and greeted by the rest of my bridge officers. After shedding my two blankets, one jacket, three sweaters and my dress uniform jacket, I found my com-badge. Chakotay was doing his best not to laugh at me. I tried a stern warning, but received a hug in response. _

"Now, this is more like it Captain, Welcome home." 

"Commander, you're dripping again." 

"Sorry. I guess I'd better go see the Doctor." 

"Here, hold this over the cut, I'll come with you, there's someone I need to check on but we need to check ships statice first." _We both turned a weary eye to Tuvok. I wasn't too sure I wanted to know the details._

"All systems report operational. We have full shields, weapons, power, replicators and the warp-core is where it should be. All but four crewmen are accounted for." _That sent a stab of guilt to my heart. I looked at Chakotay who had the same painful expression. With his one had holding the blanket to his head, he put the other around my shoulders. We would need to morn for our losses in time. There was so much we'd have to come to terms with. They say that time is a companion that goes with us throughout our lives. While I believe that to be true, it's also what we do with our lives in that time. Would our time companion heal our hearts and fears? Only time would tell, and I intended not to waste another minute of it._

"Tuvok, any sign of a Starfleet shuttle?"_ I was rewarded with a strange look but I didn't have the strength to explain._

"No Captain, no sign of the firefly vortex either." 

"Thanks Tuvok, you have the bridge for a while longer." 

"Yes Captain, and may I say, it's nice to have you back." 

"Thank you my friend." _I felt another tear slip as Chakotay and I made our way to the turbo-lift, I tapped my newly found com-badge. _"Janeway to Neelix, meet me in sickbay, and bring coffee!" 

"My pleasure Captain, I'll bring the whole pot, you deserve it." _As we passed by Harry, I grabbed his arm dragging him with us. _"Come on Harry, you look as bad as I feel." 

"I don't know Captain, if I feel as bad as you look, I doubt there's anything the Doctor can do for me." _Tom's laughter at his friends remark, echoed across the bridge and into the turbo-lift after us. This TIME, it was a welcome sound._

"Thanks Harry, I suppose that was well deserved, and better than a slap in the face." _He just slipped me a smile along with his arm through mine. _

"Yes Ma'am." _With one arm linked with Harry's and the other around Chakotay's waist, we entered sickbay. I was home. That thought was so totally overwhelming, so comforting I felt my knees give way as I fainted from total exhaustion and emotional overload._

~~~~~~ 

_We're once again headed for the Alpha Quadrant. It's been a week since our nightmare ended, well that's not really true. I'm sure our nightmares will be with us for some time, especially for Kathryn. She silently is suffering the most. She hasn't told me a lot about their time in hell, which may not be the literal term for it, but nothing else would be able to describe it. The first night after Kathryn was released from sickbay, let me know just how profoundly this has affected her. I'd been having the same nightmare I'd had for months. I couldn't find Kathryn anywhere, I could hear her scream, but no matter how fast I ran or where I looked, I could never find her. I was always running, away from the cold evil presence I felt and running to find Kathryn before she screamed again. Just when I thought I couldn't bear to hear her scream anymore, I woke up with her screams echoing through me. When it finally dawned on me that she really was screaming, I jumped out of bed and ran to her quarters. Without hesitation, I put in my override code for the door and ran straight for the bedroom. I had to shake her to get her to wake up. When she finally realized it was me and she was safe, she through her arms around me, sobbing and shaking from fright. I stayed with her that night, and every night since. I know the nightmares continue even with me there because I feel her shaking in my arms and hear her soft cries of distress. There is nothing sexual in our new sleeping arrangement, just the comfort of not being alone. It's a very small thing I can do to help her, and I'll admit it's been as big a comfort to me. _

_During the day we go about our duties as usual, or we try too. Everyone on the ship is a little more quiet, a little more subdued, with the exception of Seven. I don't have a clue what is going on, but something is up with her. She seems a bit too happy for our situation. I asked Kathryn why Seven was in such a jubilant mood. She just smiled and said, 'I haven't a clue Commander.' Her smile was a dead give-a way, but I let it drop, for now. _

_Everyone has recovered physically, with the exception of Kathryn complaining about how cold she still is. She is still walking around with her quilt wrapped around her. Our little Naomi has completely recovered. She is one tough little girl, I can't imagine Voyager without her. It was very sweet to see how much Kathryn cares for her. The first day after they were back, I walked into sickbay to check on them both. When I saw Naomi sleeping in Kathryn's arms, my love for her only intensified. There are many sides to Kathryn Janeway, but her love for this crew is by far her most endearing. _

_ We're hoping to get our latest transmission from Starfleet in a day or two. Everyone is nervous about it, Kathryn especially. I was shocked when she told me about the Enterprise crew. She left out many of the details, but the whole thing is so incredible. I just hope they made it back where they belong. I don't think Kathryn will be able to take one more shock. If something happened and they didn't make it, I'm afraid of the consequence of that news. It will be devastating to say the least, I only wish I could do more to help. I believe for this disaster, that time will be our biggest friend. It will take time to accept the unbelievable and live with the unavoidable. (End log, Commander Chakotay.)_

~~~~~~ 

_It was nice to be sitting on the bridge with my senior officers. I usually spent these quiet times in the ready room, but today I felt the need to not be isolated. Being alone made the horrible reality of the last two months sneak back into my mind. The less I could dwell on it the better. I looked over at my smiling first officer. He's calming presence was the best medicine I could have. I just couldn't help but reach out my hand to him, and my heart wasn't far behind. _

"Are you ok?" _I gave his hand a squeeze and smiled sweetly back at him._

"Not entirely Commander, but I will be." _His squeezing hand in mind was all the conversation I needed. I knew he was there for me and would give me all the time I needed. _

"Seven to the Captain." 

"Yes Seven." 

"We've received all the letters from Starfleet. There is a classified message coming in for you from Admiral Paris, and you do have a letter here." 

"I'm on my way Seven, thank you." _I looked over at Chakotay and received a reassuring smile._

"Would you like me to come with you?" 

"No thank you. I think I need to do this on my own. I'll see you later." _I was already headed for the turbo-lift when his voice echoed back in my mind. 'You're not alone.' I had to turn back to see if he had said the words aloud. He was facing the view screen. _"Commander?" _He turned with a questioning look. He hadn't said the words aloud, they were just engraved into my soul._

"Is something wrong Captain?" 

"No." _I couldn't help the smile that filled my expression. _"You have the bridge." _I left without waiting for a reply. When I got to Astrometrics, Seven was the only one there._

"Captain, the transmission should be coming through in about three minutes." _She had a smile on her face as she handed me a Padd. She kept one in her other hand. _"Let me know if you need anything else Captain." _She was mush too happy for a letter from her Aunt. I just had to know._

"Seven, is that letter from someone special?" _She didn't look at all distressed that I had asked._

"Yes, it's from Commander Data." _My heart hit the deck. They had made it back. Seven could see my look of instant shock. She took hold of my shoulders. _"Captain, it's ok, they all made if safely. I'm sure everything will be in your letter." _To add more shock to my already overloaded senses, she gave me a quick hug and walk out of Astrometrics. Whatever was going on with Seven and Data was a good thing. I liked this side of my Borg friend much better. The beeping of the consol, brought me back into focus. _

"Kathryn, it's so good to see you. How are you doing?" 

"Admiral Paris, I must say I didn't think I'd ever see you or anyone again." 

"Kathryn, when we heard from the Enterprise, they told us what happened, and well let's just say I still don't believe it." 

"Neither do I, and I lived through it. Owen, why didn't you tell us that part of the Enterprise crew was missing? It was a hell of a way to find out." 

"At the time Kathryn, I didn't think it would do any good. You've had enough to worry about in the Delta Quadrant. I didn't think there was any possible way you could have helped. Guess I was dead wrong. In Captain Picard's transmission to us, he stated that you saved their lives. We are all extemely grateful. The loss of Jean-Luc Picard was a devastating blow to the Enterprise crew as well as to Starfleet." 

"I'm afraid your gratitude toward me is unwarranted. It was Captain Picard who saved my life as well as my crew, more than once."_ Admiral Paris started laughing._

"That's just what he said about you. I suggest when you get back to the Alpha Quadrant, the two of you should compare notes and get your stories straight." 

"I'll do that Sir." _His laughter had faded. I could see he was truly worried about all of us. _

"Kathryn, I don't and can't begin to understand what you have been through, but I want you to know how proud I am of you. From what little I know, I can't imagine how anyone could have survived, let alone managed to escape with their sanity intact. You are one hell of a Starfleet officer Kathryn Janeway." _The tears were pooling in my eyes. He had no idea just how close I'd come to losing that sanity, and at that point I wasn't quite sure I hadn't. I choked back the tears and tried to sound composed._

"Thank you Owen, but I don't deserve that praise. I'm not at all sure I haven't lost my sanity. It's going to take some tine to get over the nightmare. I just hope I have enough left in me to give it time." 

"I have faith in you Kathryn, we all do. And rest assured that we've put out a warning to all Starfleet vessels to stay away from the firefly waltz. I wonder just how many ships have been lost in there?" 

"I've no idea, but there were species of all kinds. I just pray it never happens to anyone again." 

"Amen to that. Kathryn, we're just about of time, but I wanted to tell you how grateful we all are, and we're going to double our efforts to help bring you home. I'm tired of my best Starfleet crew playing in the Delta Quadrant. We need you home." _Now I was laughing. I hadn't ever thought of the Delta Quadrant as a big playground before. But after what we'd been through in hell, It could very well be just that._

"I'll try to cut our play time short Admiral. But I have to tell you that I've come to believe that I'm already home." _Admiral Paris just gave me a slight smile and a nod. He truly did understand. _"Owen, the next time you hear from the Enterprise, would you give Jean-Luc a personal message from me?" 

"Of course my dear." 

"Tell him I'll do it for myself."_ He had a questioning look in his eyes, but knew he'd get no more information._

"Consider it delivered Kathryn. Anything else I can do for you?" 

"You wouldn't want to send Deanna Troi to us would you?" _Now his laughter was back at full force._

"Not much chance of that. I hear Commander Riker won't let her out of his sight, but I'll send her your regards." 

"I guess that will have to do." 

"Kathryn, our time's up, but just remember, we're all pulling for you and Voyager. Good luck Captain." _His smiling face faded from view. I just stood for a few minutes holding the Padd that contained Jean-Luc's letter. I wasn't sure I wanted to even read it, but my curiosity would win out eventually anyway, might as well get it over with._

"Janeway to Chakotay." 

"Go ahead Captain." 

"Do you mind holding down the fort a bit longer? I'll be in my quarters if you need me." 

"No problem, is everything ok?" 

"Everything's fine. The Enterprise crew is safe and sound." _I could hear the cheering from the bridge. I hadn't realized they were just as worried as I had been. I truly do have the best crew in Starfleet._

"Understood, I'll be here if you need me. Chakotay out." _I walked back to my quarters with a smile on my face._

_~_

_This has been by far the longest and hardest of all my personal logs. I know that no matter how hard I've tried to put into words my feelings and experiences it will never be adequate, and maybe that's just as well. Maybe some things are best left in the far reaches of ones mind. At least that's what I want to happen in this case. We've all got a long way to go before we can do that, but I know we can. We're a strong crew, a strong family and we have time on our side. If there was a lesson to learn from this nightmare, it would be that time is precious and what we do with it, is what counts in the end. I may never be able to forget the unimaginable hell, but I will learn to accept the unavoidable. (End log, Captain Kathryn Janeway.)_

_~_

After grabbing a cup of coffee, Janeway curled up on her couch with the letter. She was still a bit nervous to read it, but there was no time like the present. 

_Kathryn;_

_If this letter finds you safe, I'll be able to start to put the nightmare behind me. No one will ever understand the magnitude of the emotions and experiences we went through, but those of us who were in that hell. We may never be able to forget, but I believe we will become stronger and better people in the end. I have learned one valuable lesson. The most important being to cherish every moment with our family and friends. Even those friends who remain light years away. When the time comes, and I know it will. When I see you again, I expect to see the fire and passion back in your eyes. The determination, even the pigheadedness of Kathryn Janeway. Don't dwell on the past, live for the future my dear. Follow your strong Starfleet convictions, they will lead you home. But more important, follow your heart and you'll see you already are home._

_My thoughts and prayers will be with you on your journey. I look forward to the day when I see you again. Jean-Luc Picard_

_PS. Deanna, Data and the entire Enterprise crew send their love._

~~~~~~__

"Chakotay to Janeway." His hail was met by only silence. "Chakotay to Janeway, please acknowledge." Nothing, just silence. Chakotay turned a look at Tuvok. 

"Computer, location of Captain Janeway." 

_Captain Janeway is in holo-deck two._

"Would you like me to check on her Commander?" 

"No thank you Tuvok. I think I'd better take over that job. Besides, don't you have a security drill in five minutes?" 

"I do, but as I recall, you were to assist me." 

"I think my services will be better used helping the Captain." Chakotay tried to keep a straight face, but the smile cracked anyway. 

"Indeed Commander. I will manage without you." 

"Harry, unless it's life or death, don't bother the Captain or myself tonight. The bridge is your's Ensign." He flashed Harry a half wink and walked into the turbo-lift followed by Tuvok. Harry just took the command chair with a smile on his face. 

Again Chakotay found his Maquis training useful. He managed to override the privacy lock on the holo-deck. He walked in slowly, hoping he wouldn't get thrown right back out. The sight before him was so beautiful he just stood quietly for a few minutes soaking it all in. He was standing on the most beautiful beach at sunset he'd ever seen. The white sand and crystal blue water was sparkling from the colorful rays of the sun, which was about to set into the ocean. It reminded him of the firefly dance. That fleeting thought made his heart jump, but it was overshadowed by the most beautiful site of all. Kathryn was standing facing the ocean with the waves sloshing around her feet. A warm breeze was blowing her white satin dress in wispy movements around her shapely legs. Her hair gently swayed like feathers on the wings of a dove. To Chakotay, she was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. She hadn't heard him walk in, and now Chakotay wasn't sure he should interrupt her. The peaceful feeling in the warm breeze sent a chill down his spin. A very different kind than the nightmare they had been through. He was still thinking abut leaving, when Kathryn turned around. For an instant he thought he was in big trouble for intruding on her privacy, but then she flashed her dazzling smile. Chakotay just stood rooted to the spot. His legs were not obeying his mind. Kathryn just started laughing and held her hand out for him to come closer. Somehow he managed to move forward. She took his hand and turned back to face the sunset. 

"I was hoping you'd come find me." 

"Then why did you engage the privacy lock?" 

"Just to see if you would still come after me." 

"I guess you know me pretty well. A privacy lock has never stopped me when I want something bad enough." She turned to face him now taking both his hands in hers. 

"What is it you want Chakotay?" For a moment he wasn't sure he should answer that, but the smile on her face and the sparkle in her eyes melted away any hesitation he had. 

"You." Her response came out, not in words, but in the soft feather light kiss she placed on his lips, and in her smile that far surpassed the beauty of the fireflies dancing around the sun as it made its final decent into the ocean. With the final rays of light fading into the purple blues of the night sky. The words he'd longed to hear were whispered across the warm breeze as they settled in his heart. 

"I love you." __   
  


The End__

  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


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